Career choices - the power of making your own choice

I am 22 years old now and I have finished my second year at university. I will be going into my final year and at this time next year I will have a degree and I guess I will be official living the adult life. Working, hopefully with a job. Jumping on the career ladder.

My second year at university was a bit different, I had no motivation, I felt lost and lonely but I was in denial of it. I was just making excuses and not thinking about the future or where I wanted to go. For that my grades where not as great as I would have liked them to be. I did however, manage to get a internship, I don't know how I managed to do that, now that I think about it. But I got it and it was an awakening to the real world.

I worked with people who I will probably never see again, I realised what work ethics entails and commuting and just how stressful it can all be. And I complained to anyone who would listen my poor family and friends but I sit here today thinking it wasn't so bad. The people were nice and I laughed quite a lot and it's good to meet people who are different. I think working is good but communicating and socialising is what makes life great.

I guess I was so shut off really, I was around people that I was comfortable with, I didn't have to make an effort or try and I have always tried, that's how I made friends. I always tried but I had been complacent with not trying. Not trying to get to know people and being open with other people to get to know me. I guess I have learnt something after all from the internship. These will be people I will see every single day. I would rather make the tea and that they be my friends than just co-workers.

Anyways, that was a bit off topic, Choices, this is what this post is about. I don't really feel like I have never had a choice in my life. I have always done what I was mean't to do or what other people wanted or I didn't have a choice so I did what I had to do in order to get ahead or pass a course in college or at university. I guess the only time way I felt I could make a choice and for it to be truly mine was choosing to quit or drop out or leave. That was my choice and no one could stop me. That was the only time my little voice was heard by leaving, quieting or running away. That's when people listen when you leave. I guess that was the wrong way of seeing life or work. It's funny how I have just realised that I do that now. From re-reading this post just now.

But now I have to make the biggest decision of my life because this decision will determine my future.....

I choose to be a Chartered accountant. I have ran away from it or no matter what I always end up here because that is what I was always meant to do. I guess it's hard for me to accept that I want to be an accountant because then I will really have to work hard for something. I will be opening myself up to fail. What if I am not good enough, what if I don't get a job? What if I end up back where I was before I started my degree? With nothing.....no hope, future? I am going to be vulnerable again.

So I tried to run away from that, to stop dreaming, or should I say to start dreaming that I could make it in something else. Make excuses, but deep down I liked it. The internship wasn't for me but I know if I work with people that I like and the job is actually challenging and I have some responsibility I will enjoy myself.

When I grow up I want to be an accountant. I wonder when this journey started but this is my choice and I know I have a lot of catching up to do so that I can have a good degree but that's what I want. I need structure and order and rules. That day off when you are mean't to be at work is so much more enjoyable than just being home all the time. I couldn't do it. I am already bored out of my mind.

Sometimes I feel like subconsciously I did this to myself on purpose so that I have a challenge. Maybe I felt like things where too easy and that I wanted to make things a lot harder for myself. Because it's going to be a miracle for me to get a graduate scheme to the top 10 or even top 50 accounting firms in this country.

But I guess I like a challenge, revise, enlighten myself with the firms, their current status and bush up or should I say gain some skills about application forms, interviews, assessment centers and so forth and so on. I don't how I am going to explain my grades but will see. I will need to prove to them that I am the best candidate for the job but also for myself I need to see if their the best firm for me to sign away three years of my life to. I can't just walk into this blind. I would rather wait than rush into anything.

This is going to be my last summer holiday, I guess I better enjoy it to my fullest as I might not get another holiday this long for a long time if I am lucky. I am finally all in this, I was half hearted before but now it is all or nothing. No matter what, this is my path. I might have to make some hard choices ahead of me but I will be doing the right thing.

I liked how on the last day me buying them strawberry's and donuts made them happy, little things make people happy. I need to channel them and be more open. I guess she was trying to drum that into me, my eyes were just clouded. Wow, the lessons you learn in life.

I don't know where the future will take me but I would like to have a career and start a family, have a wedding, have children. Be in love. I saw this woman in office wear carrying her little boy maybe 2 or 3 years old in her arms as she got in her car and I said to myself that, that's what I wanted in life.

I have to grow up now and stop living in Never never land, maybe there was another reason as to why I watched peter pan a million times. The boy who never wanted to grow up and hold a real job.

Life: Goals and achievements.

As you can gather from my more than sad previous posts, I have been lost, sad and more or less lonely. And I couldn't really put my finger on why that was because sometimes you don't even know that you are lonely. What has changed from the first year and the second year.

I guess in the first year, everything was new and were I lived I could just walk out of my room and speak to someone and that would cheer me up but now in the second year I realise that we are not really close. We talk and laugh but there's something missing and because I couldn't find something at home I decided to look outside. At first it was positive things like, church, volunteering, societies and so on and so on but I always felt like the spare part. Everytime I went out I always felt like the add on, because I don't really belong anywhere. Except at home with my family.

Things need to change, I need to focus on something positive in my life and find something that I am passionate about or that I like. I kept on thinking of when I played a game called runescape and I was a teenager and my friends were going out and socialising and stuff and I never really enjoyed that, as much because it wasn't me. Even when I created a fansite for a celebrity or anything like that, I did it because it made me happy. Going on forums, twitter, all of that, even arguing on you tube or making you tube video's and seeing the views like those things weirdly made my day and made me happy and I don't even do that anymore. I miss the little buzz it gave me.

So, I want to make a list of all the goals of things that I have been putting off or I am afraid of. I guess when you are young you just do what you like without caring but now I just care too much and where I got that from I have no Idea.

1) I want to learn how to design fan sites and for someone to make atleast one purchase.
This is something that I have wanted to do for a long time and I have always failed but I am going to give it a real try. First I will need to learn, html, css, php, wordpress...Then I will need to practice on a design.

2) I want to create a book website. Basically, I need read more books, review then, be more active in the community on goodread, they seem nice.

3) I want to join twitter and have at least 500 followers, I know it sounds crazy but I think i had 1k or 2k followers the last time I was on twitter and I had fun. So I want to go back on there.

So, far that's all. Will see.

Life: feeling lost (lost friends and second year at university)

Right now I feel down and lost. I am trying.....emphasis on trying to find out who I am and trying to for some reason fit in and be friends with everyone when I am know it can't be done. From the old flat mates that are still going out and enjoying themselves and here I am finally coming to the realisation that we have to part ways and that sometimes it's just good to remember the good old times and not dwell on not participating. I enjoyed my first year with them and now I have to accept that it's over.

We were a bunch of people all over the world who were placed in halls together but without the closeness of the halls I guess efforts just don't occur. I will miss them all some more than others but I have to remember that all good things come to an end and the good thing is that it ended well. On good terms, no embarrassing stories. So why carry it on until it ends on bad terms.

Then there is university, Second year of accounting and finance is different. I don't really know how I feel about it to be honest with you, it's all about shareholders and it's a lot of reading. I guess I really need to get myself up and moving seeing as I can't drop out now or I will be the laughing stock of the world. I am smart but I just don't find it interesting.........there I said it.

Pause!

Some people say you have to grind and go through the horrible, boring times before you can even get to the interesting times. I feel like I have trapped myself and put myself in so deep that the only way I can move is forward and that involves just working through this and trying to get a 1st grade. But I feel like I am already behind. It's shocking how quickly that can happen and then I don't do any work to try and improve it. I am a loser.

I am looking for a motivator but nothing comes to mind, ever. Im just here sitting, whilst life goes on.

Vampire Diaries season 6 premiere (Spoilers)

Vampire diaries is BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been a long wait, such that the recap really helped me to figure out what had happened before everything left off.

Damon and Bonnie were dead....(oh as dead as someone is on vampire diaries)

This episode was Okay, the ending was the most interesting but that was about it without putting in any spoilers.

SPOILERS BELOW...

So lets start with Elena because it was mainly about her. She is basically drugged out on some herbs which make her hallucinate Damon, which I am glad his still on the show and the side affects makes her a more thirsty which was sorf off interesting and there was a sort off touching moment when she tried, enthesis on TRY'S to let go of Damon, I kinda liked it when he just wouldn't go away. Anyways, in the end she asks Alaric to compel her to forget she ever knew Damon. Then they went to the ending were they showed Damon and Bonnie, no one really mourned Bonnie apart from Jeremy, just saying. So I am guessing Damon and Bonnie will come back somehow but Elena won't remember him and they will fall in love all over again. So does that mean Bonnie is a normal witch again and not the anchor, will see.

Stefan, what was he doing, like i thought the girl was a witch or something. I don't believe he would give up that easily. I bet you he will find find Damon and Bonnie. I did love it when he told the girl he was a vampire and she laughed it off and R.I.P that iPhone. Sad times.

Caroline was just there, like literally just there at the edge of the town.

What is Tyler doing with that blond girl, she and her brother should have just left with the season, they are irrelevant. I really did like Tyler and Caroline but she seems more interested in Stefan.

Alaric I think got too much air time, I wasn't really that sad to see him go to be honest.

I was just checking out the originals and when that is coming back and for some weird reason I am more excited about that show than this one and vampire diaries became more exciting about Klaus and the originals without them it's just Elena and Damon and that's kinda boring. I wish they could at least bring back Katherine, she was interesting.

Hopefully, the new season gets better.

New tv show: Faking it season 1 finale

So there was an advert on MTV in the UK about a new show called "faking it," so I went online and I have just finished watching the whole first season, which was only 8 episodes. The reason why I gave it a chance was because it kind off reminded me of AWKWARD when it started out except there were lesbians, which is a nice twist.

I hope what I say now isn't too offensive but to me I don't really care if you are gay or not because I think a person is more than their sexuality but on a lot of TV shows they make gay/lesbian relationships to seem so grim and it comes with a lot seriousness about coming out and all of this and to be honest its not really that entertaining to watch. e.g Teddy from 90210 like after he came out which was interesting for a couple of episodes he become the most boring character on the show.

Getting back on topic this show is entertaining, with scandal and they got the formula right and if you liked Awkward or 90210 and high school drama stuff then I guarantee you will love this show.

Watch the trailer below, after the video I will be talking about the finale and the show, there will be spoilers so you have been warned.

DON'T SCROLL DOWN IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FINALE!!






Okay, i don't know where to start lets talk about the characters. Karma first, I like her and I don't hate her and I think she's just a normal girl and I have to say she has one of the worst crying faces I have seen in a while. I don't really know what to say about her. The name is original, props to the writers and it was a different twist of extremes with her hippy parents.

Moving on to Amy, I love her, there is something about her that is so like-able or maybe it's on season 6 when she kissed Liam. Like I felt that chemistry; there was a spark there that wasn't there with Amy/Karma or Karma/Liam. It's like a forbidden fruit because their so good together but she likes girls.

After that glimpse of something special they had to almost give me a heart attack, the SHOCK, GASP, HAND ON MOUTH, EYES WIDE OPEN with that season finale with Amy and Liam, like ohmygoshhh, (I can't breathe,i need to see that scene again...........

I'm back and F**k that scene, that scene was.........wow.

I just don't have words to describe it. I haven't been this excited about a show in a looong time and I just feel like their chemistry, the song is just too good. I am rooting for them, forget Karma, Karma who??

Lets move on to Liam, first and foremost I knew I recognized his face from somewhere but I couldn't put my finger on it and so I googled it and he was in wizard of waverly place. He was the wolf going out with Selena Gomez I think. So to clear that one up.

On to important business, his cute and he fits the role of the hot guy in high school. I did feel like the plot of the hottest guy in school who sleeps all the hottest girls and then for some reason falls in love with that girl was a bit overdone but I can excuse it because the whole lesbian and Amy thing was well worth it. To be fair I sort off liked him with Karma as well but something with Amy was just amazing.

I just want to say was I the only one annoyed with the censoring, not really annoyed that they censored the words but that they actually said them, I guess it was to set the scene, all teenagers swear as it was also a little bit explicit with the scenes. e.g the threesome even though nothing but kissing happened in the end or the talk about extra curriculum activities (wink wink) that they might be partaking in.

Finally, lets dish on Lauren and Shane. For the first time I actually don't like nor care about the mean girl. Like the original mean girl Regina George, for some reason you love her. She's amazing and Lauren is just blahh. Shane, I like him, his not too camp that his annoying but he still is sort-off. I think they got a good mixture. I was wondering when they were going to have the guys kissing and it had to be before the big you-know-what. Very smart, indeed sir.

I love the season and it will be interesting to see where this will go and if they can keep it up because a lot of shows can't. I honestly don't want to be disappointed, it's rare now a days find a good new show. Good one MTV.

THE SELECTION BY KIERA CASS BOOK REVIEW

 RATE:★★★★

                                                                     Pages:336
                                                                     Author: Kiera Cass
                                                                     Published: April 2012

I had read a couple of bad reviews about this book and I enjoyed it a lot and because of other things in my life now it was refreshing to find a book that I enjoyed so much. It was easy to pick up and get into and such a great distraction whereby you forget about the world around you. I would defiantly recommend this book. 

It's basically about a dystopian world where people are grouped in different castes and the main girl is in the 5th caste and that means shes an entertainer and their not rich but working class. She has a secret boyfriend who is in a lower class. 

She enters the selection which is like the bachelor and the 35 girls fight for the love of the prince and thats all im going to say. 

American single, the main girl I personally like her, I don't love her but I can somewhat relate to her which is good. I love Maxon the prince and I want her to love him aswell because he is just soooo sweat....
Aspen like can go and sit in a corner somewhere. 

The book in my opinion is written in a light easy to read way and to my surprise I found myself laughing and shocked with little things which I enjoyed.

Would I recommend this?? Yessss

Fault of our stars movie review

I have finally watched the film, I read the book and loved it because of the way it was writen the author is a genius just to put it plainly but I was reluctant to watch this because I thought it would be ruined.

Firstly, I loved the actors that were chosen they were perfect for the role. I loved the person who played Gus in the film and wittiness of the book was definitely not lost in the film and it was like my imagination had been brought to life and with so many good and sad feeling that made this film film great.

I would watch it over and over again, a huge comparison to the romance in the the notebook but if you are thinking its a sad film then think again because it really cheered me up.

Definitely recommend this film.

Watch the trailer below: