Life: Feeling like a failure but realising that I have to try harder

So I got a 2:2 in my degree and even though I acted as though I was okay with it deep down I know that it has affected me. My first year went so well, I remember when I went to university all I said was that I just wanted to sit in a classroom again and learn and then in my second year all I ended up doing was not caring about my education. I was enjoying life or should I say I got too excited and I lost track of why I was there. I then just barely made it to my final year and ultimately that affected me getting a 2:1.

I have applied to a number of jobs within accounting and I have not gotten a single response. So I decided to apply to recruitment jobs and I ended up getting three calls in a day that lead up to nothing. It make me realise though that recruitment is not a career for me. I feel very unprepared and after speaking to my brother I have finally snapped out of the delusional world I have living in. Maybe I didn't want to accept it, that I am back here. Unemployed. The difference now is that I have work experience and a degree.

I need to stop thinking negatively and start thinking positively because even though I didn't get the grade that I worked for the first time in a long time I felt ignited when I was doing my research project and when I was revising for my exams. I need to get into a routine whereby I am able to wake up and be productive and not waste anytime so that I can get used to it.

I really do not have any more choices anymore. It is finally time to grow up and be an adult in this competitive world. I need to show that I can be just as competitive as the rest of them. I need to make at least one employer to notice me.

I want to become an accountant. No ifs or buts or what if or I can do something else. This is what I am going to do. I have a long journey ahead of me but this is what I want to become. I am going to start from the bottom and climb up this ladder. Starting from this moment I will not doubt myself. This is not about money but about me.

I want to be an accountant

After 23 years I have finally decided that I want to be an accountant. Today I found out what I got on one of my course works and it was a 2:2. When I saw it I was in denial. I even said to myself. To be honest that is the highest grade I have gotten as a piece of coursework.

Then I started crying when I woke after having a dream that I got 71 marks overall. That fact hurt me the most. I think I will have to accept that I could get a 2:2 as a degree. I worked hard with everything this year, I didn't sleep. I forced myself to do work. I was sick because of it. I had headaches but I still forced it. I gained a ton of weight and I still forced myself to do the work. I did so much and I pushed myself beyond anything and.....

If I still come out of this with a 2:2 then I have decided that I will still push on to become an accountant.

I will apply to smaller firms and hopefully, I can get something and at the same time I will look to gain some experience at an accounting firm in the city or surrounding areas so I can have relevant work experience under my belt.

When I get a job I will become a qualified accountant and then I can move to a bigger firm. I will work there for 5 to 10 years. With the dream of gaining enough experience to become a partner either at that big firm or at the big four.

I can't see myself doing anything else at the point. I know this is going to be hard and how I have put myself at a poor standing but I will work hard in anything I have. This is the only thing that I have ever done and achieved on my own. I see people crying on singing shows or at Olympics because they want it so bad or they are fighting for their dream and to me I am crying because I want to be an accountant.

I struggled at the internship and I struggled in my final year but I pushed through every single day until the very end. It wasn't all for nothing.