Life: Purpose, failures, regrets and future worries

Im feeling lost and down. For the past couple of weeks I have been trying to learn about designing websites and learning html and css and I actually designed a site from a tutorial but I couldn't do anything with the html design because I couldn't turn it into a word press theme or a blogger or even a live html site so I was or I should say I am stuck. I don't even know why I wanted to learn to design websites. I just think I have always wanted to design websites and I just don't want to give up on it but I guess I was trying to rush it and maybe it's not for me or am I wasting my time. I don't know. I just want to finish and learn this.

Today I tried to make a website for book blogging and all the templates that I got were just horrible in the sense of the widgets and there being something wrong all the time. And then I remembered I still have this beautiful site that I have had for years. And im guessing I have zero followers and if im lucky one person will read this but im actually fine with this because I just think of Jenna from Awkward and her online diary and in a weird way this is my online diary and I can write a lot of rubbish on here because of that. In a great way its therapeutic and I always feel better after writing here.

Yesterday for the first time I felt a regret of leaving nursing because I was worried about getting a job after I graduate. I am going into my second year and it scares me that I will graduate and then nothing will happen. I haven't really had that much luck with jobs. I couldn't get a summer job so that's great.

Dead end job rejections and stop being scared!!!

So I checked my email today and I was very surprised that I got an email from lidl which read:

I applied for this job 3 or 4 weeks ago and I already knew I didn't have the job. But at least they wrote back to me I guess. I tried to get a job and that failed and I tried to volunteer and that failed as well. I'm just tired of trying and I am just going to enjoy my holiday and I know that it is more to do with the area I live.

I have been scared of doing something that I have wanted to do for a long time which is designing my own site about books, TV shows, and inspirational stuff and also learning to actually design websites in my mind I want to start by designing fan sites and if I get better improving by being able to do word press, blogger templates and so far it all seems new to me. But I have been dodging it and I think that is because I am scared and I don't really know what I am scared about. But I am just going to do this just because I want to and I have always wanted to do it.

I need to stop making stupid excuses.