Life: Goals and achievements.

As you can gather from my more than sad previous posts, I have been lost, sad and more or less lonely. And I couldn't really put my finger on why that was because sometimes you don't even know that you are lonely. What has changed from the first year and the second year.

I guess in the first year, everything was new and were I lived I could just walk out of my room and speak to someone and that would cheer me up but now in the second year I realise that we are not really close. We talk and laugh but there's something missing and because I couldn't find something at home I decided to look outside. At first it was positive things like, church, volunteering, societies and so on and so on but I always felt like the spare part. Everytime I went out I always felt like the add on, because I don't really belong anywhere. Except at home with my family.

Things need to change, I need to focus on something positive in my life and find something that I am passionate about or that I like. I kept on thinking of when I played a game called runescape and I was a teenager and my friends were going out and socialising and stuff and I never really enjoyed that, as much because it wasn't me. Even when I created a fansite for a celebrity or anything like that, I did it because it made me happy. Going on forums, twitter, all of that, even arguing on you tube or making you tube video's and seeing the views like those things weirdly made my day and made me happy and I don't even do that anymore. I miss the little buzz it gave me.

So, I want to make a list of all the goals of things that I have been putting off or I am afraid of. I guess when you are young you just do what you like without caring but now I just care too much and where I got that from I have no Idea.

1) I want to learn how to design fan sites and for someone to make atleast one purchase.
This is something that I have wanted to do for a long time and I have always failed but I am going to give it a real try. First I will need to learn, html, css, php, wordpress...Then I will need to practice on a design.

2) I want to create a book website. Basically, I need read more books, review then, be more active in the community on goodread, they seem nice.

3) I want to join twitter and have at least 500 followers, I know it sounds crazy but I think i had 1k or 2k followers the last time I was on twitter and I had fun. So I want to go back on there.

So, far that's all. Will see.

Life: feeling lost (lost friends and second year at university)

Right now I feel down and lost. I am trying.....emphasis on trying to find out who I am and trying to for some reason fit in and be friends with everyone when I am know it can't be done. From the old flat mates that are still going out and enjoying themselves and here I am finally coming to the realisation that we have to part ways and that sometimes it's just good to remember the good old times and not dwell on not participating. I enjoyed my first year with them and now I have to accept that it's over.

We were a bunch of people all over the world who were placed in halls together but without the closeness of the halls I guess efforts just don't occur. I will miss them all some more than others but I have to remember that all good things come to an end and the good thing is that it ended well. On good terms, no embarrassing stories. So why carry it on until it ends on bad terms.

Then there is university, Second year of accounting and finance is different. I don't really know how I feel about it to be honest with you, it's all about shareholders and it's a lot of reading. I guess I really need to get myself up and moving seeing as I can't drop out now or I will be the laughing stock of the world. I am smart but I just don't find it interesting.........there I said it.

Pause!

Some people say you have to grind and go through the horrible, boring times before you can even get to the interesting times. I feel like I have trapped myself and put myself in so deep that the only way I can move is forward and that involves just working through this and trying to get a 1st grade. But I feel like I am already behind. It's shocking how quickly that can happen and then I don't do any work to try and improve it. I am a loser.

I am looking for a motivator but nothing comes to mind, ever. Im just here sitting, whilst life goes on.

Vampire Diaries season 6 premiere (Spoilers)

Vampire diaries is BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been a long wait, such that the recap really helped me to figure out what had happened before everything left off.

Damon and Bonnie were dead....(oh as dead as someone is on vampire diaries)

This episode was Okay, the ending was the most interesting but that was about it without putting in any spoilers.

SPOILERS BELOW...

So lets start with Elena because it was mainly about her. She is basically drugged out on some herbs which make her hallucinate Damon, which I am glad his still on the show and the side affects makes her a more thirsty which was sorf off interesting and there was a sort off touching moment when she tried, enthesis on TRY'S to let go of Damon, I kinda liked it when he just wouldn't go away. Anyways, in the end she asks Alaric to compel her to forget she ever knew Damon. Then they went to the ending were they showed Damon and Bonnie, no one really mourned Bonnie apart from Jeremy, just saying. So I am guessing Damon and Bonnie will come back somehow but Elena won't remember him and they will fall in love all over again. So does that mean Bonnie is a normal witch again and not the anchor, will see.

Stefan, what was he doing, like i thought the girl was a witch or something. I don't believe he would give up that easily. I bet you he will find find Damon and Bonnie. I did love it when he told the girl he was a vampire and she laughed it off and R.I.P that iPhone. Sad times.

Caroline was just there, like literally just there at the edge of the town.

What is Tyler doing with that blond girl, she and her brother should have just left with the season, they are irrelevant. I really did like Tyler and Caroline but she seems more interested in Stefan.

Alaric I think got too much air time, I wasn't really that sad to see him go to be honest.

I was just checking out the originals and when that is coming back and for some weird reason I am more excited about that show than this one and vampire diaries became more exciting about Klaus and the originals without them it's just Elena and Damon and that's kinda boring. I wish they could at least bring back Katherine, she was interesting.

Hopefully, the new season gets better.

New tv show: Faking it season 1 finale

So there was an advert on MTV in the UK about a new show called "faking it," so I went online and I have just finished watching the whole first season, which was only 8 episodes. The reason why I gave it a chance was because it kind off reminded me of AWKWARD when it started out except there were lesbians, which is a nice twist.

I hope what I say now isn't too offensive but to me I don't really care if you are gay or not because I think a person is more than their sexuality but on a lot of TV shows they make gay/lesbian relationships to seem so grim and it comes with a lot seriousness about coming out and all of this and to be honest its not really that entertaining to watch. e.g Teddy from 90210 like after he came out which was interesting for a couple of episodes he become the most boring character on the show.

Getting back on topic this show is entertaining, with scandal and they got the formula right and if you liked Awkward or 90210 and high school drama stuff then I guarantee you will love this show.

Watch the trailer below, after the video I will be talking about the finale and the show, there will be spoilers so you have been warned.

DON'T SCROLL DOWN IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FINALE!!






Okay, i don't know where to start lets talk about the characters. Karma first, I like her and I don't hate her and I think she's just a normal girl and I have to say she has one of the worst crying faces I have seen in a while. I don't really know what to say about her. The name is original, props to the writers and it was a different twist of extremes with her hippy parents.

Moving on to Amy, I love her, there is something about her that is so like-able or maybe it's on season 6 when she kissed Liam. Like I felt that chemistry; there was a spark there that wasn't there with Amy/Karma or Karma/Liam. It's like a forbidden fruit because their so good together but she likes girls.

After that glimpse of something special they had to almost give me a heart attack, the SHOCK, GASP, HAND ON MOUTH, EYES WIDE OPEN with that season finale with Amy and Liam, like ohmygoshhh, (I can't breathe,i need to see that scene again...........

I'm back and F**k that scene, that scene was.........wow.

I just don't have words to describe it. I haven't been this excited about a show in a looong time and I just feel like their chemistry, the song is just too good. I am rooting for them, forget Karma, Karma who??

Lets move on to Liam, first and foremost I knew I recognized his face from somewhere but I couldn't put my finger on it and so I googled it and he was in wizard of waverly place. He was the wolf going out with Selena Gomez I think. So to clear that one up.

On to important business, his cute and he fits the role of the hot guy in high school. I did feel like the plot of the hottest guy in school who sleeps all the hottest girls and then for some reason falls in love with that girl was a bit overdone but I can excuse it because the whole lesbian and Amy thing was well worth it. To be fair I sort off liked him with Karma as well but something with Amy was just amazing.

I just want to say was I the only one annoyed with the censoring, not really annoyed that they censored the words but that they actually said them, I guess it was to set the scene, all teenagers swear as it was also a little bit explicit with the scenes. e.g the threesome even though nothing but kissing happened in the end or the talk about extra curriculum activities (wink wink) that they might be partaking in.

Finally, lets dish on Lauren and Shane. For the first time I actually don't like nor care about the mean girl. Like the original mean girl Regina George, for some reason you love her. She's amazing and Lauren is just blahh. Shane, I like him, his not too camp that his annoying but he still is sort-off. I think they got a good mixture. I was wondering when they were going to have the guys kissing and it had to be before the big you-know-what. Very smart, indeed sir.

I love the season and it will be interesting to see where this will go and if they can keep it up because a lot of shows can't. I honestly don't want to be disappointed, it's rare now a days find a good new show. Good one MTV.

THE SELECTION BY KIERA CASS BOOK REVIEW

 RATE:★★★★

                                                                     Pages:336
                                                                     Author: Kiera Cass
                                                                     Published: April 2012

I had read a couple of bad reviews about this book and I enjoyed it a lot and because of other things in my life now it was refreshing to find a book that I enjoyed so much. It was easy to pick up and get into and such a great distraction whereby you forget about the world around you. I would defiantly recommend this book. 

It's basically about a dystopian world where people are grouped in different castes and the main girl is in the 5th caste and that means shes an entertainer and their not rich but working class. She has a secret boyfriend who is in a lower class. 

She enters the selection which is like the bachelor and the 35 girls fight for the love of the prince and thats all im going to say. 

American single, the main girl I personally like her, I don't love her but I can somewhat relate to her which is good. I love Maxon the prince and I want her to love him aswell because he is just soooo sweat....
Aspen like can go and sit in a corner somewhere. 

The book in my opinion is written in a light easy to read way and to my surprise I found myself laughing and shocked with little things which I enjoyed.

Would I recommend this?? Yessss

Fault of our stars movie review

I have finally watched the film, I read the book and loved it because of the way it was writen the author is a genius just to put it plainly but I was reluctant to watch this because I thought it would be ruined.

Firstly, I loved the actors that were chosen they were perfect for the role. I loved the person who played Gus in the film and wittiness of the book was definitely not lost in the film and it was like my imagination had been brought to life and with so many good and sad feeling that made this film film great.

I would watch it over and over again, a huge comparison to the romance in the the notebook but if you are thinking its a sad film then think again because it really cheered me up.

Definitely recommend this film.

Watch the trailer below:

Life: Purpose, failures, regrets and future worries

Im feeling lost and down. For the past couple of weeks I have been trying to learn about designing websites and learning html and css and I actually designed a site from a tutorial but I couldn't do anything with the html design because I couldn't turn it into a word press theme or a blogger or even a live html site so I was or I should say I am stuck. I don't even know why I wanted to learn to design websites. I just think I have always wanted to design websites and I just don't want to give up on it but I guess I was trying to rush it and maybe it's not for me or am I wasting my time. I don't know. I just want to finish and learn this.

Today I tried to make a website for book blogging and all the templates that I got were just horrible in the sense of the widgets and there being something wrong all the time. And then I remembered I still have this beautiful site that I have had for years. And im guessing I have zero followers and if im lucky one person will read this but im actually fine with this because I just think of Jenna from Awkward and her online diary and in a weird way this is my online diary and I can write a lot of rubbish on here because of that. In a great way its therapeutic and I always feel better after writing here.

Yesterday for the first time I felt a regret of leaving nursing because I was worried about getting a job after I graduate. I am going into my second year and it scares me that I will graduate and then nothing will happen. I haven't really had that much luck with jobs. I couldn't get a summer job so that's great.

Dead end job rejections and stop being scared!!!

So I checked my email today and I was very surprised that I got an email from lidl which read:

I applied for this job 3 or 4 weeks ago and I already knew I didn't have the job. But at least they wrote back to me I guess. I tried to get a job and that failed and I tried to volunteer and that failed as well. I'm just tired of trying and I am just going to enjoy my holiday and I know that it is more to do with the area I live.

I have been scared of doing something that I have wanted to do for a long time which is designing my own site about books, TV shows, and inspirational stuff and also learning to actually design websites in my mind I want to start by designing fan sites and if I get better improving by being able to do word press, blogger templates and so far it all seems new to me. But I have been dodging it and I think that is because I am scared and I don't really know what I am scared about. But I am just going to do this just because I want to and I have always wanted to do it.

I need to stop making stupid excuses.

The wrong knickers by Bryony Gordon book review

RATE:★★★★

Pages:310

Author: Bryony Gordon

Published: June 2014

I saw a story with the author talking about having a one night stand and at the end the guy giving her the wrong knickers. Like......

What kind of guy does that and I was interested so I got the book. From the beginning it is easy to read and get into and for a lot of authors that's very hard to do. We see the true story of a girl who makes mistakes, picks the wrong choices and has such a low self-esteem that she lets guys roll over her. I feel like even though I never did even half the things she did I can relate to her in mild sort of way especially now in my 20's and I will probably read this book again because there will be something new in my life that I can relate to her life story. It's like a book about how things might not go according to how society expects it to be, like uni, boyfriends, marriage, careers and family. Your path might be different from the norm but in some weird way in the end everything has a funny way of working itself out.

 It was a great read and it was even more amusing because it was a true story, even though I don't know her I am proud of her.

Wold I recommend this book? Yes yes yessss!

Music: The discovery of Adina Howard

I am in love with her music, to me it is like I am discovering a a completely new artist. She does sexy 90's smooth Rnb music and her voice is amazing. I don't really know what more I can say to be honest with you.
My favorite song at the moment by her is do you wanna ride?



But I also like tease, let's roll and so many more. What I love about YouTube and music is that there is always something new you can discover and enjoy. So that's what I am going to do.

Things I have learn't since finishing the first year of University.

I am half way through my summer holiday and I have completed and passed my first year of university and I a lot has happened in this past year that I never could have prepared myself for. It was really fun and I had my ups and downs and I think this year I cried about 3 or 4 times. Which is very rare for me but it happens and I am so glad that I get to experience the university life with some amazing people.

I got my results and the course I do is business management and accounting and finance and there were 6 modules and I got three 1st grades one for accounting, quantitative methods and entrepreneurship. I think I was really excited with the entrepreneurship because it was my first 1st basically. Accounting was my highest 1st though which I am really proud of.

Economics I didn't like that much but I forced myself to do it and I passed it, and overall I got a 2.1, which I am very happy about because I get to do the internship for the other half of my second year if I can get a placement basically. Which brings me to now where I am and I just want to say who would have thought it would be so hard to volunteer. Its so annoying that people who volunteer at British heart foundation are soo rude. Like why do you work in a charity yet you are so rude....like really.

I gave an application form to Oxfam got nothing back and other places I haven't heard anything and so I tried applying for jobs and I have to say that they are more opportunities now than before so maybe Cameron's policies are actually working. I still don't have a job though but I got a call today though and it gave me hope that with my degree I will be able to get a good job quite easily. If I want a decent job though I will probably have to improve on my searching skills.

I am so bored though, like its depressing just being at home I think the summer I worked at Randstad went by so quick because I had something to do and I know I should enjoy this time because hopefully for decades to come I am going to get only 28 days leave and I will work a lot and to some people that might be sad or whatever and I will probably complain when I get there but I can't wait to work and I know that accounting I will probably find it hard to begin with but I know that I will love my job as it will challenges me and that's what I like.

Also the money will be good and it seems that once you are in you will progress quite quickly. There are so many routes that you can progress into if you want to be an accountant and I really don't know yet and I know I will need to do more research on different companies and career directions so that I don't make a mistake or something and I don't want money to be my influence if that makes sense.

Other than that I want to apply to volunteer with the local council and get some experience. They were the only one's that replied to me and hopefully they will give me some experience and a reference and I think I might go for working at the food bank and will see how that will go. I am going to send that application form tonight. I promise that.