So I got another job rejection!!

As I said in my previous post, I knew even before going to the interview that I wouldn't get it, I am so unemployable and I am so used rejection by now. It still hurts but I can only do my best.

So, this is the rejection email I got, they told me that I would hear back from them on Wednesday and I ended up getting an email on Friday Afternoon. By then I knew anyways that it was a dead end.

However, the day for me was a positive day. I went, I was 15 minutes early and I sat down and there were two other women there, a woman maybe in her late 30s/early 40s, she was white, dressed in jeans and flowery top. (Yes, for an interview) and another woman was there, the woman in jeans went up for her interview and then me and the other woman were there and we started talking.

After she got comfortable she whispered to me that the woman in jeans already knew the people in the office and someone had come down the stairs and had told her "you got this job already, this is no competition." Yes, that happened, so when I finally went in I was relaxed as a lamb because they already knew who they wanted.

There were 3 guys interviewing and I was so relaxed and kinda prepared, I answered the questions with confidence and gave examples and I have never had such a good feeling from an interview.

So, even though I didn't get it because people hire who they know already, I nailed that interview.

The down side is I didn't really apply for anything for a week because I was waiting for their answer, I am hoping for volunteering opportunities but they want references as well and I am just like really.

So, my confidence is a bit low at the moment and I would rather just put myself out there again but I have too carry on applying, hoping that someone out there in the world will give me a chance. I did complete a website today so I am not completely useless to this world.

At least this made me laugh. 

Long term Unemployment: I hate job interviews & I have one tomorrow

I can say now I have been in a long-term unemployment state and  I have cried a lot, I have been too a handful of interviews my last being with a racist or ageist as I am realizing now. It never occurred to me that 25 is too old to be applying for certain jobs.

So, I have an interview tomorrow and I am going to go because might as well. No, seriously, it is a good job at a big company that employee's a lot of people but I feel as though I am so unemployable right now, I have been through so much rejection that I have been trying to manage as best as I can with the situation that is my life but with a new interview I know I will go and they will see a long term unemployed fat black 25 year old and their basically judging you and I know I won't get it. I don't want to get my hopes again and think yesss this will be the one because my bubble has burst and life doesn't work like that.

I am just tired and I just want to get it over and done with. I will try my best, but I just know results and I know how this affect me in the end. I am realising now why I haven't cried in a few months it's because I haven't been to an interview in a few months.

The good thing is, it has made me more determined to carry on working on my web development. I will put in more effort to learn more and to grow more. They will not determine my self-worth.

Another unemployment post

I am still unemployed, hooray but I just wanted to come on here and vent how I am feeling that now. I feel like trash, I feel useless and low. And it's hard, I am 25 years old now and I know I am smart but when you get knocked back again and again and again it starts to build on you. It starts to affect you.

I'm at the point where I am even applying for retail jobs, stock taking jobs, just job a rejection email from NEXT for a stock taker job, yay.

I am starting to think, I need to do things myself, depend on myself. I am decent at web design, I have a little website, not this where I have started making websites, where I am still learning but I even made my first money. It was like £2.50 but I made something.

I get excited when I create something and I am getting better and it makes me feel as though I am not useless. So now I am at the point where I am going to put all my eggs in that basket. I will still apply for jobs but this is my main focus. I know I will need to start building a portfolio and then when improve more then I can start showcasing that and I can either get a job in that filed or freelance.

I also want to look into 3d designs. I have downloaded the software but I havent used it yet.

You know I might be unemployed for another year but if I spend it just applying to job and not doing anything else I know that will be the biggest regret of my life because in august, literally a year ago, i decided I want to apply to graduate schemes since I graduate from University with an accounting degree and from September to December all I did was apply to graduate schemes and those take a lot of time, doing the application forms, the questions and the research. Then the numerical and verbal reasoning tests. And during all of that, I didn't get one interview. I just got rejection, after rejection until I started to apply to regular firms, finance/ accounting jobs in general not graduate schemes and I got a few interviews. So from January until May. I think went to 5 interviews, one was a volunteering thing and I got rejected from all of them.

And it was hard and the interviews where the biggest confidence knocks in my life. Now, it’s been a year. Most of my focus was on applying for jobs. So, in a sense I wasted a year of my life and I didn’t get anything out of it except tears and a low self-worth.

But I feel like I am someone who was programmed to do the right thing, even if it doesn’t make me happy. I went to college, went to uni. I would have stuck around a job I didn’t like just to be a normal citizen. Basically, and even now I think from time to time when will this end and it doesn’t end. When will I have a career, when will someone give me a chance. I get those thoughts but even though it’s hard I am starting accept that accounting is not for me. I have been rejected.

I have two choices in life

Cry and carry on applying, waste another year of my life.

Or 2. Take things into my own hands, create my own opportunities and I will probably have to worker than I have ever worked in my whole entire life. But I have no choice, that is what I will have to do.