Gossip Girl review season 1 to 6 (Dair) (spoilers)

I know I am soooooo late but this year I decided to try gossip girl and I completely fell in love with it, I loved all the characters, I loved the stories, every episode, every season. I was drawn in. I loved the high school feel of the show and even when they left high school it was still very good.

After months of watching the show it has finally ended, I know who gossip girl is, but to me the fact that Dan was gossip girl it didn't really shock me as much as the fact that Kristen Bell being the voice of gossip girl. I loved her in Veronica mars, I feel like I fell in love with her voice. XOXO gossip girl. and I will miss it.

Let me talk about the relationships, I can start with Dan and Serena. The first season, I loved them together. I loved Serena and her efforts to change her self from being someone who drank alot and partied hard. She wanted to be better and Dan helped her with that. After they broke up, they both dated a lot of other people and honestly all the way up to season 4, I still couldn't see them ending up with anyone else. Until Dan and Blair happened. I did kinda see it coming from season three. but I didn't think the writers would actually do it because Chuck and Blair where this epic love.

Before I even saw this show, I had seen comments saying chuck and Blair, so I knew they were THE couple and I did like them, they were for the most part the only couple that stayed together throughout the show. Even though Blair was with a few people and so was Chuck you always knew that they would be back together. But their relationship was quite toxic, they really didn't have that much in common, it was just the extraness of the love and a lot of excuses. I think in total they were only together for some of season 2 and that was it.

The biggest surprise for me is how much I loved Dan and Blairs relationship. I feel like I love the hate to love trope in couples. They hated each other, they were not even friends but seeing them go from not liking each other to secretly going to the movies, becoming friends. Seeing how much Dan cared and loved Blair to me was beautiful because before that like Nate and all other characters, he jumped from one relationship to another but with Blair even though he knew his chances of having her were slim he still waited, his heart still longed to be with her. To protect her.

And he was always there for her with the whole prince mess that went on. Plus, when Blair finally, accepted her feelings, it was so beautiful to watch because Dan made her happy, he was there by her side to support her. She grew to be more independent, to find that Blair happiness that was lost before she was with him and it was nice to watch. They did normal relationship stuff, they spent all night talking to each other.

Also, I do have to say I loved their witty banter, I also loved the first time they did it and it was awful. I laughed so hard and then that elevator scene. Chileeeeee I replayed that scene so many times. When they kissed the way Dan looked at her, it was desire, the way he held her so gently. Their height difference was so beautiful. (im not going to lie until these two got together I didn't notice how short Chuck was or how tall Serena was)

But yes, their height difference was so perfect, that elevator scene were Dan lifted Blair up like she was a feather, I was like woahhhhh. That was hot! Their chemistry was fire.

I knew though that they wouldn't last because Blair and Chuck were the writers end game couple. Their break-up to me seemed forced. Again Blair has to choose another guy or Chuck and of course she always picks Chuck. And Dan sleeps with Serena at the same place she slept with Nate. I feel as though they had to make Dan cheat on Blair so that it looks as though it's even that Blair chose Chuck again and she's not the bad guy.

Season 6 was more about trying to turn Dan into this evil bad guy and Chuck into a good guy even though he ended up basically killing his father and got away with it. Even when Blair and Chuck got back together or she waited for him for 9 episodes, it didn't feel the same. Even when they spoke there wasn't any substance it was either about scheming, Chuck taking his father down, professing their love but there were never any deep conversations like when Blair was with Dan and even their kisses, they weren't as passionate for me, like for Chuck it looked like his lips were closed and pressed together when he kissed her. Like when she kissed Dan she would throw her whole body onto him. It just felt more natural.

Moving on to Serena and Dan. If these two hadn't gotten together in the end, I would have been okay with it. Serena has been in love so many times and each time she always thinks his the one, a professor, or two. A married man, an ex-con. Nate and so on.

When Dan and Serena got back together, it didn't feel as though Dan really liked her as much. The way he looked at Serena wasn't as loving as the way he looked at Blair. So, when it was revealed that he was sorta doing it for his story, it made sense to me. But then the writers wanted us to believe that Serena had always been the one for him, he never lost interest in her, he had always loved her and I call Bull to that because she had confessed before and he wasn't interested at all. He loved Blair.

To me, Dan and Blair are the ultimate couple of Gossip Girl and I enjoyed their couple very much.

Also, something that annoyed me is that the writers never really gave us an indication as to when they finished college, Serena took a semester off and never went back the rest just forgot about college and there was no mention of them graduating. It was forgotten.

But anyways, I really enjoyed the show, it's a shame I didn't watch it when it came out but at least I didn't have to wait for new episodes to come out. What am I going to do with my life now, lol. I really enjoyed the show. A wonderful gem.

xoxo gossip girl

Job interview experiences, rejections and things I have learn't

So far in 2018 I have had 5 interviews, 4 of them for paid jobs and 1 (which was today) for a volunteering position since I have been out of work of 1 year now. All these job interviews I have learn't a lot and I have been interviewed by different people and every time after an interview I always feel the saddest because as I am typing this I am still unemployed.

These are the few things I have learn't to do and to be aware of.

1. The handshake, there should be a handshake at the beginning of the interview and at the end of the interview. It is important to have a firm handshake, make eye contact with the person and to connect the corners of your thumbs. But also take note of how the interviewer does the hand shake, from the 5 interviews I have noticed the bigger more professional companies and interviewers the handshake was firm, all of the hand and at the beginning and end of the interview. I had two interviews one at a really small place, they literally touch the tips of my fingers and another (the charity) first hand shake was quick and there was no second hand shake at the end of the interview even though I tried to wait to see if they would offer. 

2. A professional person should not and will not mention that there are interviewing other candidates, if they mention that 9/10 times it's an subconscious sign that they don't really like you for the job and they have already crossed you of off their list. Or maybe this is their way of giving you little signs that you probably shouldn't get your hopes up. (but you never know you might get the job if the people that come after are worse than you or they don't turn up)

3. Always be 15/10 minutes early, dress professionally, wear a white plain shirt (blouse) apparently that shows you are organised.) Make eye contact, try not to move your arms as much when speaking. 

4. If there is something about you or your application that is a disadvantage try to mention it before they ask you. For example, with me I have been unemployed for a year now and to an employer they start to think why is there a gap? What happened? So, I decided that when I start talking about my work experience I will mention that I was unemployed for this long and explain the reason. For me it was because of personal health reasons. If you say that it's honest and I highly doubt that the person will ask for more questions but there was one interview that I did go into further details with and they were fine with in.

I was planning on writing about my experiences with all four interviews but I am crying right now and I can't stop. Because it hurts, I went to the volunteering place today at a charity which deals with mental wellbeing for a finance position and I could tell from the second she saw my black fat self that she had already ruiled me out because of the way I looked. The handshake was very rushed, those ones that barely touch your hand that's it and then when I sat down. I believe that 3 or 4 times she made a reference to how she had other interviews lined up or how many people she was going to interview for this position. She even said if you are working with you will see this and then she corrected herself and said if it even is you that works with us. 

Then when we were talking about the job role and I mentioned about the other admin duties I did at my old job she was like you should have applied for the admin position that was opened at the position in another department. It was very obvious she didn't want me to work with her but in my mind I remember thinking at one point in the interview to smile, to ask questions, listen. Learn from this experience. And when she had finished her questions we ended up talking about the city she lives at and housing prices. That was probably my first informal small talk at an interview but at the end there was no hand shake and that was a big sign. 

I have stopped crying now and I feel a bit better. It sucks that at a job someone isn't basing their judgement on weather you are suitable for the role because of your skills and experience but more so because of the color of your skin or the way you look. And it hurts because they are people like that and this is still the world we live in but I need to be a strong black woman. I need to learn from this experience because it will make me stronger. 

I love this quote, I applied and I went to that interview, I tried. I put myself out there and even if I get rejected 5/10 more times. I will carry on trying until I get something because I know for a fact that something great is waiting for me. 

The biggest thing for me right now is to carry on applying for jobs, right now I am in a kind-off limbo situation where I went to an interview for a really company and compared to the interview I just today, the person was so professional. The levels of both women were incomparable. The professionalism for the woman at the big company and the one at the charity was crazy. 

Sometimes you meet people like that and if I can take one thing from that experience it is that if I am ever in that position of interviewing people I will not act like that and also when I do get a job I will be faced with situations where I will be around people who will judge me because of the way I look especially in the finance industry. I'm going to have to grow tough skin than what I have now. 

Also, I have to do more when I am applying. I need to make sure that they can find no faults, that my application, answers at interviews, online and real life tests are perfect. I also want to be able to have another skill, to make money with something else even if it for my mental well-being (the irony that the place that helps mental well-being has people like that working there).

But Happy thoughts, let this push you further. You will be amazing. 

I'm 25, unemployed and Obese

Happy birthday to me, this birthday I think hit me the hardest. The days leading up to my 25th I had thoughts that I am unemployed, when I was 13/14 I didn't think this is where I would be. But here I am and one thing someone said to me was you are healthy and you have a roof over your head. And of course at the time it didn't sink in but now that it is actually my birthday and I am 25 years old. I feel as though this is the time for me to take charge of my life.

To stop running away, crying, mopping around and doing nothing because then nothing will change.

My life is starting at 25, they are people who change their lives at 40, 25, 30. So if they can do it, so can I.

I am still looking for a job, I went to interview last week and didn't get the job. But it was good experience, I am signing on again and it gives me something to get out of the house for, some type of income coming in. It pushes me to work even harder and I have gotten some good advice as well.

Also, since I was out of employment for a year, during my telephone interviews and interviews. The issue that always comes up is me being unemployed for a year so I contacted some charities where I stay and so far I have gotten two responses, one that is I will let you know at the end of the month and another that sounds like a definite but will be available at mid April. I have realised, I need to have some work experience in order to get a job in accounting.

Another thing that I want to do this year is to do AAT. I paid money before and I chickened out of doing a single exam but I feel like I have matured in that time and I am more desperate now. I want it more. Also, it will be good to have something that I have achieved again, even if it's just for myself. I miss that exam, learning environment, studying so I am going to do that for myself.

Also, I want to lose weight, I want to have a healthy BMI, I have lost some weight but I feel as though I need to put more effort and time into myself, my body, mind and soul.

So this year I want to love myself more, do things that strengthen my knowledge of accounting, get some work experience, get a job (Fingers crossed) be healthy.

I will try to write more about the things I experience, the lessons I learn on here and I think it's time I redo this theme,lol.

But, I'm 25 and I am going to look at life as positive as I can. I can do anything and I will do everything that I want to do.

Happy New year - Two interviews in one day and getting no job.

Happy New year everyone and happy birthday to this website. I cannot believe that I have been posting on here for 7 years, when I was in college I started this blog. And I feel as though this really is a blog that is out there in the world but no one knows it's there but I kind of like that because it feels more like a personal online diary where I write about my life experiences especially career, education wise.

In those years I have finished college, gone to university, dropped out, been unemployed, gotten a job..gone back to university...graduated (Yayyy) and gotten another job. Went through a faze of uncertainty. Unemployed again and that;s where we are now. What a crazy 7 years and I like that little parts of that are recorded on here so that when I am feeling all sentimental I can look back to where I was.

So, with all that said I just wanted to come on here and talk about my two interviews.

Basically, where I am at now is I want an accounting job and I will become a qualified accountant, through wind and fire. Bring it on, I am ready. So, I re-did my CV and it looks really good now. I have been applying regularly and I was applying to accounts assistant roles and finance admin roles.

So I was just applying to anything and I got a response from a nursery that wanted a finance administrator. I got a call, was asked a few questions and then I had an interview on Monday. When looking back at the job advert, I realised that it was part time, and I don't know about that. But I was still optimistic in the fact that it would be relevant experience. When I got there I got the impression that it was more admin than actual financial side of things. But they did give me a practical exercise of doing a letter and adding things into an excel sheet. I tried my best with the whole letter part but I will practice that in the future because I don't think it was perfect. I also don't know why I didn't practice it before because I remember someone before mentioning that they had an interview at a small place and were asked to write a letter. So, I will practice that because I know it will come up again in the future.

The second interview was with a finance controller for an project administrator role....To be honest, I repeatedly looked through the job role but when he was explaining what the role actually was, it was completely different, I am not going to lie, I messed up by even applying to both jobs because they really are not what I was looking for. But I do have to say that I am glad I went to the interviews because it was good experience. I have already written down the questions they asked, the answers I gave and what answers would have been better. I don't believe future interview will be that different.

So, in the end I am not that sad or sad at all, I am actually relieved because I did not want to make the choice of taking or leaving the job offered to me because I am still unemployed. But now that I have been rejected (also with the second interview, he mentioned a few people were leaving so red flags were going off in my mind because why are all these people leaving??? huh?)

But as I was saying, its good they rejected me, I got an email this morning and they liked my answers but they went with someone better. I just replied saying thank you for considering me, good luck to the company. It felt good to leave/ end the process on a positive note because you never really know what the future will be like, I might end up connecting with that company or people in future somehow so I am glad on my part it all ended positively and I am going to take everything that I have learnt and improve my interview techniques. Because there is still room for improvement.

I am going to be more aware of the jobs that I apply to.

So, this is an interesting start to 2018. Hopefully, fingers crossed, I will get a job in the accounting industry.

A harsh life lesson, graduate schemes are only for a select few.

I have been thinking about primary school when I was 9/10 years old and I didn't have work stresses or worries. It was just going to school, trying your best and having fun when you can.

I have been applying to graduate schemes since September, started preparing in August and I have been rejected to every single one. At first I thought it was passing the numerical/verbal reasoning tests but then when I passed them I still got rejected. I have made mistakes, I have had ups and down's during my education but now I am here. Unable to get a job as accountant. Maybe, apart of me was kidding myself, I didn't go to a top university, I didn't get a great degree grade but I wanted to try. I wanted to give it a go so that in the future I wouldn't say to myself if only I had applied to those graduate schemes. 

Watching the videos and hearing the people that had the jobs talk about how they got the jobs. Majority knew someone who already worked at the firms and the only ones who didn't had great grades. 

So now I know the truth. And I have felt the rejections. So, I understand other people more now. Sometimes, you just have to adjust to the situation. I remember watching this interview of an actress and she was talking about how she tried singing first but singing just rejected her and it wasn't mean't for her but then she did acting and now she's very popular and successful career. 

So for me I feel as though this is what I am going through. Maybe accounting graduate schemes are not what my life is mean't to be. But this experience has made me realise that what I want is a job where I can grow, where there are opportunities and future career prospects. 

(I just checked my email on my phone now and I got another rejected) It's a sign,lol.

I'm going to look at this situation as an opportunity to try something different, to not close myself off to just accounting but to look at myself as though I have good GCSE's, I went to college and completed it in two years (that's also when I started this blog) I got into a good university and graduated. I have a degree and no one can take that away from me. I am a smart woman and even if it takes me a minute I will have a successful career.

I am going to take a week break, to do nothing and to just calm down, re-charge and have a fresh mindset. And then after that I will start looking at the jobs available near me, looking at internship's this time.

I need to apply to jobs with a future, no dead end jobs. Somewhere, where I can progress somehow. I will re-do my cv again and carry on practicing aptitude tests because you never know when I will apply to that. The good thing about graduate schemes I think is that they have given me the opportunity and skills to be well prepared for other jobs out there. So, I am no longer afraid of doing application forms or the tests. So, there are some positives. 

I am actually wondering where I will end up. I have just looked at the jobs and they are a few jobs I can see now. I was tempted to apply but I am just going to leave it for a week. It's actually hard to tell myself to stop and take a break but I know it's what's best. 

Fingers crossed I will have a job at least by February. If I can get one this year, that would be amazing. 

I will always remember this story about Pandora's box that I heard in primary school about how when everything came out of the box the only thing that remained was Hope. I feel as though the only thing remaining in me is HOPE.

Just a Quick Update on Life

I just thought I would pop into this blog and update it. It's almost like an online diary of mine, I know hardly anyone comes on here but I kind of like it that way.

Anyways, I'm still unemployed but I decided in January that I was going to use this time until September to learn web designing and coding so that in September I can start applying for jobs. I know it's a risk, the longer you are unemployed the less chances it is to get a job. But I am ready to take that risk and I know that in the end something will give. I will carry on improving on my skills and growing.

Where I am right now - Today I just opened a fansite design website, so I will be doing wordpress themes for fansites and hopefully, I will be able to at least make a little bit of money and gain more experience.

For me to be able to make a wordpress theme is crazy to me because I remember when I started I couldn't even create a div and I attempted and failed to make a wp theme about 5 or 6 times. So to finally have a website that is responsive to me is amazing. I can't believe it. Even though it's a small thing. I am proud of myself.

What I want to do in the future? - I want to learn more Javascript and PHP. So that I can create more stuff and be more productive. I also want to be able to make a tumblr theme and a blogger theme. But also, I want to start creating more professional websites instead of fansites so that I start building up my portfolio. So when I do apply for jobs I will have something to show them.

Korean

I did say I would be learning Korean, I am still learning and since I have been putting more of an effort to learning the language. I have picked up quite a few words. I know the Korean alphabet now. This includes the vowels as well. I also know the numbers 1-10 plus 20 and 100.

Plus, I know maybe 30 - 40 words.

I actually find it fun to do and learn the language, I use a variety of sources to learn, from 2 apps, a website, podcast and just watching korean shows without subtitles and then with. I only did this with Produce 101 because I couldn't wait but I picked up a lot of words from that.
I am going to carry on learning and hopefully in a year or so I will be quite good at it.

Finding a good book to read

I want to read a good book, not an alright book or an over hyped book that will get better by page 200. I want to find a good that I can absorb myself in like I used to. I was looking and I haven't really read a good book that I gave a 5 star to in years.

I feel as though books have lost their originality especially in the dystopian genre and also I have become lazy. If I want a book I usually read or watch book reviews done by others but the thing is now a lot of publishing companies send their books for free to these people so I don't know if their reviews are even honest. Like some people for years are churning out 4 or 5 reviews a week. And I am like how in the world can you read so much.

So this time I want to try something different, maybe actually read what the book is about and make my judgement on that instead of other peoples opinions. Who knows many great books I passed up because of a bad review.

Okay, but where do I get the books..... There are so many books and so many charts that it's very easy to miss good books. There is amazon and goodreads so I will look at those and see what I can find.

What am I looking for?  I want romance with a fantasy/ supernatural/ dystopian element to it probably not vampires. But somewhere around there. I would like to read something in a different world.