Life: All work no play = a boring unproductive life

I have just realised that my life is quite boring. I enjoy watching shows and stuff but I don't do anything of relevants. I feel like I have to use all of my time to work on Uni work since this is my final year. And it is very stressful but I know myself now and I always do the opposite. When I am overwhelmed I always do end up not doing anything and then feeling the rush when it's almost due in and this year I cannot do that because I will end up with a poor grades.

Honestly, don't think it's hard but it just needs time. I just need to get my brain in the right state of mind to actually sit on that desk and do the work consistently. Maybe that is what I should aim for. Every day no matter what I should sit down and do some work even if it is for only 30 minutes. Atleast I would have done something. I am also thinking of eating healthier and exercising. Maybe Pilates to see what will happen, because I am always feeling tired and unproductive.

I always think about when I was in high school doing my GCSE's and how I was able to concentrate on my subjects but I have grown up and I guess during lunch times and break times and even walking home with friends I did do other things but I always come back home and revised or maybe that's just my delusions. I don't know anymore. It has been 5 years or more now.

I want to do something productive other than watching shows kdrama (new addiction) or regular tv shows and being forced to go out to restaurants and stuff and doing Uni work. I want to feel like I am accomplishing something.

I was thinking of starting a blog whereby I combine the things I love and do either daily posts or a post once or twice a week. I was thinking about book reviews, something to do with web designs and learning how to fully use photo shop and more products and reviews on kdrama's that I have watched or GIF's. Something like that.

I want to actually be a productive individual.

I am going to make the website today, maybe I will go for the minimalist look, I don't know.

Consistency is the word of this post.

Emptiness

It is November now and I am almost finished with my first term of university. I know I am capable of finishing university with a good grade but it's what will I do after I am finished that worries me. I feel empty. I do not think I could be an academic kind of person because it doesn't give me a a  rush, enjoyment that I need. I just feel like I will be going into auto-mode where I just along with things. Maybe that's why I prefer to do things last minute.

This makes me think about what I want to do at work, do I just want to be an accountant. I know deep down that I don't want to be an Accountant at all. I feel like if I work for myself, that will give me the rush I need in life.

But my fear is I don't want to end up like last time, unemployed and going to job seekers but this time. I have a degree so I have nothing to do. I hated that time in my life and I do not want to go back there again.

What do I want to do then? I want to start a knitting website. Selling handmade knitting and then expand into other products by buying machines that do that. Then I want to also make wigs and sell them online. I feel like there is profit there. But my goal is to make a website with videos on it. I won't go into too much details here but I want to entertain people like I have been entertained.

So what is stopping me, why would I rather procrastinate instead of doing anything. Is it fear? Or something else. Is it the fear of accepting adulthood. It is finally here.

Maybe I am complicating this, my life. Maybe it's actually really simple. Just do what makes you happy....

First Korean Drama - Coffee Prince Review

If like me maybe you loved Kpop music and you are thinking about watching a Korean drama, where do you start because they are so many drama's out there. For me I just searched on youtube video's, read comments and I don't really know why but I decided to watch Coffee Prince.

I can say I was intrugued by the first episode and hooked by the 3rd episode but by the 6th episode my ovaries had exploded and I was soo in love with this series that my life stopped.

This was just perfect...Like the main girl  and the guy deserve Oscars and every award on earth. It was so emotional and well-scripted and your heart beats fast, you laugh, scream, cry. I don't think I have ever seen anything so beautiful in my life and I have watched a lot of shows. It reminded of the Notebook except if Ryan Gosling was the rich one. I think their chemistry was what sold me.

If you are contemplating watching this shows, watch it now, Watch it NOW! Just search Korean drama and the first two links worked for me. Also, get adblock if you are at it.

So now go and watch it and you can come back and thank me later.
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This is the spoilers section.......please do not ruin it for yourself and go watch the show.

I went to sleep very late or should I say very early in the morning because of this show. I felt like I was in some bubble watching their lives go on and I enjoyed myself.

I am going to talk about the main male character on the show, I will say Mr.Choi,lol. I think I was so used to these I guess pretty chiseled boys from Kpop bands like 2pm or beast or even big bang that when I saw I saw Gong Yoo, his real name it took me like a minute to fall in love with him. I loved the way he looked at her and the way he smiled and laughed at her. Even when he got jealous of other guys. He really loved her and even when they argued.

If I could pick three moments that I loved about him I would choose.

1) When she fell asleep and he looked at her and wanted to touch her. I think for me that moment is special because that's when he realised that he loved her even though she was a he to him.

2)When she was in the wedding dress and his reaction when he saw her. She looked so beautiful like a princess and his reaction is how every woman wants a man to look when he sees his wife to be.

3)This was a hard one but I have to would say for me it was the sex scene because of how he reacted to not wanting to have her there and how they looked at each other before they kissed and then the kiss and lifting her up. It was just.....*sighh* Magic. Just Magic.

Gong Yoo is not a normal man his just a Superior man, his 6 feet tall exactly,(I had to google the cm when they mentioned it on the show) This style was always, ALWAYS on point and his body. Oh my days, like his body is....no words. And his face is beautiful. God clearly took his sweet time on him.

Okay, lets move on to the leading lady. I will call My Chan,lol. Yoon Eun hye deserves an Oscar for her acting skills. Wow! She was outstanding and I see why she cried at the end of filming in the video I saw on you tube. I am emotional after watching it I can't imagine how she feels after months of playing this character so well. I loved her personality and the fact that she worked hard to provide for her family and always looked on the bright side no matter what.

Her three favorite moments with me are

1)When she was crying on the bus home from the exhibit show. I felt her pain in my heart and the pain of loving someone who doesn't love you.

2)I loved the scene when she blows in his face to wake him up and when she blows in her hair. That was cute when he kept on remembering that part and then he told her to stop and then he started blowing in his hair.

3) This is not one scene but I loved her interactions with the other guys in the coffee shop. The jokes, the teasing around and the arguments. I think when she was leaving and they all came in and hugged her. I loved that.

I liked when Gong the main guy character said that he stayed because of the people that he worked with. He loved going to work with them and the reason why he liked making toys was because he could be on his own and to me that stayed with me because he was happy, in love and going to work. She didn't need or she didn't go clubbing, get drunk, they did get drunk and he passed out. Lol, that was funny when she carried him home twice.

The casting was good, I loved everyone in the show from the grandmother to all the other workers. They all had different personalities and it just worked.

I really enjoyed myself watching this show and now I am having a dilemma as to if I should watch another KA drama or not. I don't even know if it was a good idea to watch such an amazing show first. How will the others compare? Will there be another couple with this much chemistry as these two. Will they be another superior guy as Gong Yoo. *drools*


If I was to watch other shows  I think I will try Secret Gardens, Boys over flowers, Goong in that order.

Taking the leap

This says it all, I am going to take a leap in my career. It might back fire on me but I am going to do it.

Going into my final year of university

I made it, I am going into my final year of university. It is nothing like I expected. I could not have predicted this ever happening even if I wanted to. I have made friends and I have shared experiences with them that I will remember for a long time. I have fallen in love sadly with someone who wasn't ready but in the process I have learn't a lot about myself and the fact that I have changed. I am not the same girl I was when I was in high school. I have lost friends and I have gained friends at the same time.

My second year was filled with sadness and a lot of tears and failures. I was lost and I thought a lot about how I had to be like this or achieve this so that I can finally be accepted and now I just don't care. I am going to be me and I know they are people I am going to meet in the next year or 2 years that are going to make me happy.

From my blog just reading my posts you can tell that I have struggled with my career options. What do I want to do with my life. Do I want to be an accountant, recruitment consultant, financial trader, business owner.....

I have gotten this far in my life without this much stress. Maybe the stress is good. Honestly, right now I am going to focus on just getting a 1st or 2.1 in my final year. I am going to be focused and work hard so that I can achieve something. I imagine opening that envelope or clicking on the results and seeing a 1st degree. I have to aim high and reach for the stars. I am going to do this....

Summer holiday before third year of university

I am enjoying my summer holiday by doing nothing, catching up on TV shows, trying my hand at learning how to make a website and just relaxing.

It's crazy when I look back at some of my posts to when I finished college, went to university for the first time dropped out and then when I went back to university again. Going back to university again gave me a whole new life, a purpose, new friends and I like that. Believe it or not I have grown and now I am ready to start the final year of my uni experience probably at the worst position ever. Somehow I feel like that's what I wanted. I wanted a challenge.

I look at myself with accounting, it's always there, I am always pushing it away and I think about my internship and how much I hated that place and I guess the feeling was mutual but I survived it, I woke up everyday and I went. I am not going to lie and say that it didn't discourage me by a lot to even be an accountant but as I hated the people soooo much but after some thoughts I am not going to give up on my dreams and hopes.

I want to be an accountant, I am actually good at what I do and I know that if I really put my mind in it I can be an accountant but I have messed it up for my self and if I do manage to get a graduate scheme then it will be a miracle.

Career choices - the power of making your own choice

I am 22 years old now and I have finished my second year at university. I will be going into my final year and at this time next year I will have a degree and I guess I will be official living the adult life. Working, hopefully with a job. Jumping on the career ladder.

My second year at university was a bit different, I had no motivation, I felt lost and lonely but I was in denial of it. I was just making excuses and not thinking about the future or where I wanted to go. For that my grades where not as great as I would have liked them to be. I did however, manage to get a internship, I don't know how I managed to do that, now that I think about it. But I got it and it was an awakening to the real world.

I worked with people who I will probably never see again, I realised what work ethics entails and commuting and just how stressful it can all be. And I complained to anyone who would listen my poor family and friends but I sit here today thinking it wasn't so bad. The people were nice and I laughed quite a lot and it's good to meet people who are different. I think working is good but communicating and socialising is what makes life great.

I guess I was so shut off really, I was around people that I was comfortable with, I didn't have to make an effort or try and I have always tried, that's how I made friends. I always tried but I had been complacent with not trying. Not trying to get to know people and being open with other people to get to know me. I guess I have learnt something after all from the internship. These will be people I will see every single day. I would rather make the tea and that they be my friends than just co-workers.

Anyways, that was a bit off topic, Choices, this is what this post is about. I don't really feel like I have never had a choice in my life. I have always done what I was mean't to do or what other people wanted or I didn't have a choice so I did what I had to do in order to get ahead or pass a course in college or at university. I guess the only time way I felt I could make a choice and for it to be truly mine was choosing to quit or drop out or leave. That was my choice and no one could stop me. That was the only time my little voice was heard by leaving, quieting or running away. That's when people listen when you leave. I guess that was the wrong way of seeing life or work. It's funny how I have just realised that I do that now. From re-reading this post just now.

But now I have to make the biggest decision of my life because this decision will determine my future.....

I choose to be a Chartered accountant. I have ran away from it or no matter what I always end up here because that is what I was always meant to do. I guess it's hard for me to accept that I want to be an accountant because then I will really have to work hard for something. I will be opening myself up to fail. What if I am not good enough, what if I don't get a job? What if I end up back where I was before I started my degree? With nothing.....no hope, future? I am going to be vulnerable again.

So I tried to run away from that, to stop dreaming, or should I say to start dreaming that I could make it in something else. Make excuses, but deep down I liked it. The internship wasn't for me but I know if I work with people that I like and the job is actually challenging and I have some responsibility I will enjoy myself.

When I grow up I want to be an accountant. I wonder when this journey started but this is my choice and I know I have a lot of catching up to do so that I can have a good degree but that's what I want. I need structure and order and rules. That day off when you are mean't to be at work is so much more enjoyable than just being home all the time. I couldn't do it. I am already bored out of my mind.

Sometimes I feel like subconsciously I did this to myself on purpose so that I have a challenge. Maybe I felt like things where too easy and that I wanted to make things a lot harder for myself. Because it's going to be a miracle for me to get a graduate scheme to the top 10 or even top 50 accounting firms in this country.

But I guess I like a challenge, revise, enlighten myself with the firms, their current status and bush up or should I say gain some skills about application forms, interviews, assessment centers and so forth and so on. I don't how I am going to explain my grades but will see. I will need to prove to them that I am the best candidate for the job but also for myself I need to see if their the best firm for me to sign away three years of my life to. I can't just walk into this blind. I would rather wait than rush into anything.

This is going to be my last summer holiday, I guess I better enjoy it to my fullest as I might not get another holiday this long for a long time if I am lucky. I am finally all in this, I was half hearted before but now it is all or nothing. No matter what, this is my path. I might have to make some hard choices ahead of me but I will be doing the right thing.

I liked how on the last day me buying them strawberry's and donuts made them happy, little things make people happy. I need to channel them and be more open. I guess she was trying to drum that into me, my eyes were just clouded. Wow, the lessons you learn in life.

I don't know where the future will take me but I would like to have a career and start a family, have a wedding, have children. Be in love. I saw this woman in office wear carrying her little boy maybe 2 or 3 years old in her arms as she got in her car and I said to myself that, that's what I wanted in life.

I have to grow up now and stop living in Never never land, maybe there was another reason as to why I watched peter pan a million times. The boy who never wanted to grow up and hold a real job.