Emptiness

It is November now and I am almost finished with my first term of university. I know I am capable of finishing university with a good grade but it's what will I do after I am finished that worries me. I feel empty. I do not think I could be an academic kind of person because it doesn't give me a a  rush, enjoyment that I need. I just feel like I will be going into auto-mode where I just along with things. Maybe that's why I prefer to do things last minute.

This makes me think about what I want to do at work, do I just want to be an accountant. I know deep down that I don't want to be an Accountant at all. I feel like if I work for myself, that will give me the rush I need in life.

But my fear is I don't want to end up like last time, unemployed and going to job seekers but this time. I have a degree so I have nothing to do. I hated that time in my life and I do not want to go back there again.

What do I want to do then? I want to start a knitting website. Selling handmade knitting and then expand into other products by buying machines that do that. Then I want to also make wigs and sell them online. I feel like there is profit there. But my goal is to make a website with videos on it. I won't go into too much details here but I want to entertain people like I have been entertained.

So what is stopping me, why would I rather procrastinate instead of doing anything. Is it fear? Or something else. Is it the fear of accepting adulthood. It is finally here.

Maybe I am complicating this, my life. Maybe it's actually really simple. Just do what makes you happy....