Doing what you love instead of what pays the bills

So my university bubble burst and I stopped believing the dreams that I was sold by the education system. I went through a faze and I am still probably going through that faze.

I believed the hype, the high paychecks and the amazing lifestyle that was sold with the careers but to come to the realisation that I wasn't the only person who was sold those dreams. The thing is this dream began to be sold by society that it would be amazing from high school, college and university. I did it all and I suffered and held my tongue and carried on suffering because at the end of it I thought I would get that good job after graduation and I would be working hard and playing hard. I cried in my final year of university so many times when I didn't think I could do it or that I had failed and I would wake up at 4 am and work or go to sleep at 8am in the morning. I suffered through an internship that I hated and so much more just to end up as a legal secretary. And thats lucky because a lot of people in my situation are unemployed.

I feel robbed, like this was a long well planned robbery. I need justice for this.

But I feel as though this realisation is waking me up to the real world and it's situation. Of I need to get a job, pay bills and suffer for the rest of my life until I retire. I don't want to do that. I will not suffer all week for what. I am not in school anymore where I know that Christmas holiday or summer is coming or even the end of a year. This is a long stretch until retirement for me to suffer and just look forward to the weekend.

Even though I feel like I am a bird that has been caged and institutionalized for so long and now I have no cage and I am looking for a cage because that is all that I know. It's scary to wonder around and try to find my own feet but each cage I end up in it doesn't feel comfortable. I have tried many jobs in my life, retail, nursery nurse, nursing, recruitment, customer services, receptionist and the sad truth is I never liked any one of them and I have always felt as though I am not myself when I am at work.

But after university I had deluded myself into thinking that having a job would provide some sort of happiness that I cannot get from anywhere else.  But it just brings me sadness.

So I have decided that I am going to do what makes me happy and even if I am not rich and I am scrapping my wallet for pennies that is what I am going to be doing.

I want to do web designing and create another blog that I have had in mind and I want to just start and finish something and not think about cost factors of it but the process and growth. I don't want to be a corporate accountant. I know in my gut that I will hate it. I was just in denial and it isn't for me. I cant or I don't want to cram down more exams and work with people I don't like. Life is too short. I would rather meet people whilst doing fun stuff who I will have a lot in common with.

At this point in time at 22:42  - 29/09/2016 I don't know what my future holds and I hope that when I read back to this point in a couple years I will be happy with the decision I have just made to be self-employed and be passionate about my dreams.

The reality of being a legal secretary and lawyers

In life you never stop learning new things.

So I have been a legal secretary for two weeks now and after the day I have had today I decided that no matter how tired that I am I will make a post about my experiences so far.

One thing I can say about Lawyers, solicitors or attorneys depending on which country you are located at.

Before I start I would like to say that I have only worked in one law firm and people are different and maybe your experience might be different to mine but of course I have looked into it and the overall view online is very much similar to mine.

Firstly, some lawyers have a lack of social skills. I have worked in two other offices and the difference in management is astonishing. The first company I worked at was a recruitment company and even though I wasn't being paid as much as I am now I felt valued and even though I knew the managers were managers there was that kindness where if I had an issue I could feel comfortable to talk to them and I felt valued. Even if it was with little things however, at this law firm I feel like I am a maid and I am beneath them. And there is nothing wrong with being a maid but that was not part of my job description.

The worst thing is the way they speak to you as if they can say or do anything to you. I am a human being as well. Just because you sat some exams and you know the law doesn't make you better than anyone else.

Okay, today there was this solicitor and he was trying to show me something that I have never done before and in short he could not explain it so I did not understand how to do it. And as I was advised before if you do not understand something, it is better to ask and look stupid than sit there and say yes I get it and then you do it wrong.

But when you are dealing with an inpatient rude solicitor who thinks you are able to figure out how an outdated software works that you have never used before in that second is beyond me. And if you do ask a question you are ignored or told to your face you are an idiot for asking questions.

I was shocked beyond belief. In all my life I have never ever been made to feel as though I was less than a human being and all this for a paycheck at the end of month. Money is not worth this abuse.
But I still have some fight in me and I will carry on going whilst I plan my escape.

P.s Tv shows lied to me, wtf they never showed this side of the legal firms.

So I got a job as a legal secretary

I can't believe it. In all of my wildest dreams and hope and careers and plans I never ever thought I would be saying that I got into a law firm. It might be small but they actually accepted me for the job. I will be getting paid and compared to a lot of other people and what I would have taken it's not bad at all. But I still can't believe it.

I start tomorrow and right now I am scared and nervous. I really want to do a good job and show them that I am a competent person. I am scared. It's like on the CV's you over sell yourself and when you actually get the job you have to show and prove. I just have to be confident. Fake it until I make it. One thing I usually fail at is if I am tired or unhappy it shows on my face. So I need have a poker face and smile. I need to interact with them and get to know them.

The thing is accounting I know a lot and I know the jargon in accounting but law. I know practically nothing but basic knowledge that everyone knows. So if I want to do a good job I will need learn at least the basics.

If I can survive the first month I know that I will get used to it and I will know my way around everything. Also, I will be able to carry on. I still can't believe it. This is definitely God's work. Something already written.

Aiming HIGH

I have just finished my first term of university and I am back home and I went to town today and my mind set is on another level because I want to do so much more. I want a have a successful career and climb up that ladder and challenge myself everyday. Plus, the money, nice cars, fancy house, city life. I want all of that and I know it will take determination and hard work but I am willing to put that time in and work on getting the grades and the work experience that I will need.

Like is it bad that when I was in Tesco the store clerk or something had a badge and it said she joined the team in 2002 and it's the end of 2013 and she's been there as a customer assistant checkout girl for more than a decade and she hasn't really moved up and to me I feel like I am better than that and I want soo much more than that. She probably has a family at home and that makes her happy but in my mindset now, I couldn't be satisfied.

Something else that is changing is my thoughts on children and before I used to say I wanted 6 children, crazy I know but I was quite young. Then it went down to 4 children and now I would be happy with 1 child. Like I don't want to be 40 years old and no children, no but I don't see myself giving up a career and depending on a husband and raising children. I just want to progress so much that too many children wouldn't be in the plan. Maybe 2 children with a big gap like my parents did.

My first term was amazing and I met some amazing people and I have experienced things that will remember for the rest of my life. I am just greatfull that I got the opportunity to do something I actually like and I see a hard and competitive future but I am going to fight tooth and nail until I get it.

100%  all the way and not anything else.

A Healthy Balanced Lifestyle

This tends to be me now adays. One of the main reasons being my future, when you don't have a set future career plan you will look like that women above, like I don't even have finger nails anymore. My situation is I have been forced to apply for a course in university because there is more of a security in that job however my heart isn't completetly in that job.

Some of my other options that have crawled around my head.


My first plan was to start a business, I was very keen on starting a Bed and breakfast hotel and then developing from there.



My next plan was to teach english in China or Japan but I don't know it just seemed like a pipe dream.I thought about loads of different ideas from working on a farm and just living of the land to working on a zoo and then going to africa and working in the wildlife and my latest idea was working on a cruise line.

What excited me about working on a cruise line was getting to travel around the world and doing exciting things but with every idea there is always complications and it's own negatives.

NOW,now NOWWWWW I am thinking about just about having a balanced lifestyle that will involve having a career in nursing which is the course I applied for in the beginning, hopefully starting a family in the future and being there with the family. Maybe a couple of dogs and other different animals like goldfish or turtles. I am not someone who has to go out every single friday or saturday night....I like to stay more because that it my comfort zone, I guess but I also like to go out now and again.

Ohh, I will start reading novels more now, I went to the library today and I got three books, so when I get to reading them I will do a review. Also I want to travel and if I am lucky enough to live until I am 40 or 50 and in good health then I have all that time to go on holiday and visit one place a year or two and that way I will see the world and also have a career, and be with loved ones...That's why I named this a healthy balanced lifestyle.