A harsh life lesson, graduate schemes are only for a select few.

I have been thinking about primary school when I was 9/10 years old and I didn't have work stresses or worries. It was just going to school, trying your best and having fun when you can.

I have been applying to graduate schemes since September, started preparing in August and I have been rejected to every single one. At first I thought it was passing the numerical/verbal reasoning tests but then when I passed them I still got rejected. I have made mistakes, I have had ups and down's during my education but now I am here. Unable to get a job as accountant. Maybe, apart of me was kidding myself, I didn't go to a top university, I didn't get a great degree grade but I wanted to try. I wanted to give it a go so that in the future I wouldn't say to myself if only I had applied to those graduate schemes. 

Watching the videos and hearing the people that had the jobs talk about how they got the jobs. Majority knew someone who already worked at the firms and the only ones who didn't had great grades. 

So now I know the truth. And I have felt the rejections. So, I understand other people more now. Sometimes, you just have to adjust to the situation. I remember watching this interview of an actress and she was talking about how she tried singing first but singing just rejected her and it wasn't mean't for her but then she did acting and now she's very popular and successful career. 

So for me I feel as though this is what I am going through. Maybe accounting graduate schemes are not what my life is mean't to be. But this experience has made me realise that what I want is a job where I can grow, where there are opportunities and future career prospects. 

(I just checked my email on my phone now and I got another rejected) It's a sign,lol.

I'm going to look at this situation as an opportunity to try something different, to not close myself off to just accounting but to look at myself as though I have good GCSE's, I went to college and completed it in two years (that's also when I started this blog) I got into a good university and graduated. I have a degree and no one can take that away from me. I am a smart woman and even if it takes me a minute I will have a successful career.

I am going to take a week break, to do nothing and to just calm down, re-charge and have a fresh mindset. And then after that I will start looking at the jobs available near me, looking at internship's this time.

I need to apply to jobs with a future, no dead end jobs. Somewhere, where I can progress somehow. I will re-do my cv again and carry on practicing aptitude tests because you never know when I will apply to that. The good thing about graduate schemes I think is that they have given me the opportunity and skills to be well prepared for other jobs out there. So, I am no longer afraid of doing application forms or the tests. So, there are some positives. 

I am actually wondering where I will end up. I have just looked at the jobs and they are a few jobs I can see now. I was tempted to apply but I am just going to leave it for a week. It's actually hard to tell myself to stop and take a break but I know it's what's best. 

Fingers crossed I will have a job at least by February. If I can get one this year, that would be amazing. 

I will always remember this story about Pandora's box that I heard in primary school about how when everything came out of the box the only thing that remained was Hope. I feel as though the only thing remaining in me is HOPE.

Just a Quick Update on Life

I just thought I would pop into this blog and update it. It's almost like an online diary of mine, I know hardly anyone comes on here but I kind of like it that way.

Anyways, I'm still unemployed but I decided in January that I was going to use this time until September to learn web designing and coding so that in September I can start applying for jobs. I know it's a risk, the longer you are unemployed the less chances it is to get a job. But I am ready to take that risk and I know that in the end something will give. I will carry on improving on my skills and growing.

Where I am right now - Today I just opened a fansite design website, so I will be doing wordpress themes for fansites and hopefully, I will be able to at least make a little bit of money and gain more experience.

For me to be able to make a wordpress theme is crazy to me because I remember when I started I couldn't even create a div and I attempted and failed to make a wp theme about 5 or 6 times. So to finally have a website that is responsive to me is amazing. I can't believe it. Even though it's a small thing. I am proud of myself.

What I want to do in the future? - I want to learn more Javascript and PHP. So that I can create more stuff and be more productive. I also want to be able to make a tumblr theme and a blogger theme. But also, I want to start creating more professional websites instead of fansites so that I start building up my portfolio. So when I do apply for jobs I will have something to show them.

Korean

I did say I would be learning Korean, I am still learning and since I have been putting more of an effort to learning the language. I have picked up quite a few words. I know the Korean alphabet now. This includes the vowels as well. I also know the numbers 1-10 plus 20 and 100.

Plus, I know maybe 30 - 40 words.

I actually find it fun to do and learn the language, I use a variety of sources to learn, from 2 apps, a website, podcast and just watching korean shows without subtitles and then with. I only did this with Produce 101 because I couldn't wait but I picked up a lot of words from that.
I am going to carry on learning and hopefully in a year or so I will be quite good at it.

Finding a good book to read

I want to read a good book, not an alright book or an over hyped book that will get better by page 200. I want to find a good that I can absorb myself in like I used to. I was looking and I haven't really read a good book that I gave a 5 star to in years.

I feel as though books have lost their originality especially in the dystopian genre and also I have become lazy. If I want a book I usually read or watch book reviews done by others but the thing is now a lot of publishing companies send their books for free to these people so I don't know if their reviews are even honest. Like some people for years are churning out 4 or 5 reviews a week. And I am like how in the world can you read so much.

So this time I want to try something different, maybe actually read what the book is about and make my judgement on that instead of other peoples opinions. Who knows many great books I passed up because of a bad review.

Okay, but where do I get the books..... There are so many books and so many charts that it's very easy to miss good books. There is amazon and goodreads so I will look at those and see what I can find.

What am I looking for?  I want romance with a fantasy/ supernatural/ dystopian element to it probably not vampires. But somewhere around there. I would like to read something in a different world.

You Never Stop Learning

After much thought and deliberations, more like going back and forth with career options I have decided that I don't want a dead end job, I have tried that and it didn't work out well for me. I have battled with the thought of going into accounting and each time I always end up deciding not too.

So I have decided for the first time that I will learn something because I am interested in learning it not for grades or anything like that. It's also to start a new career. I have decided that I want to be a front end developer. Yaay, I am putting it out into the world.

I am already confident in html and css and the next steps is learning Javascript and the PHP and also MySQL. I have researched job requirements and stuff and it seems that, that is what they want and even if I can't get a job I know that I will be able to make some cool websites that will enable me make money for myself.

So, I will be learning that and I have also made the decision to learn a new language. Which is Korean. I have been hit by the Kpop and Kdrama bug. I think I have been watching Kdrama's for a year and a half now to two years. I think it's time I invest in learning the language.

The only other language that I attempted to learn was French and that was in Highschool. I actually got a GCSE C in that but 5 years of lessons. I can say Bonjour, the numbers up to ten and the basic greetings. I wasn't interesting in learning the language, I didn't enjoy it or had a passion for it and I think when learning anything you need to at least be interested in it so I have a lot pdf books downloaded, I have an app (eggbun) downloaded and I found a good website that will teach me Hangul which I have heard is easy to learn. The shortest time I have heard is 1 day and the longest time I have heard is 2 weeks. So will see how that will go. I'm excited. If next year this time I know Korean and I have job as a front end developer I will be very happy.