Doing what you love instead of what pays the bills

So my university bubble burst and I stopped believing the dreams that I was sold by the education system. I went through a faze and I am still probably going through that faze.

I believed the hype, the high paychecks and the amazing lifestyle that was sold with the careers but to come to the realisation that I wasn't the only person who was sold those dreams. The thing is this dream began to be sold by society that it would be amazing from high school, college and university. I did it all and I suffered and held my tongue and carried on suffering because at the end of it I thought I would get that good job after graduation and I would be working hard and playing hard. I cried in my final year of university so many times when I didn't think I could do it or that I had failed and I would wake up at 4 am and work or go to sleep at 8am in the morning. I suffered through an internship that I hated and so much more just to end up as a legal secretary. And thats lucky because a lot of people in my situation are unemployed.

I feel robbed, like this was a long well planned robbery. I need justice for this.

But I feel as though this realisation is waking me up to the real world and it's situation. Of I need to get a job, pay bills and suffer for the rest of my life until I retire. I don't want to do that. I will not suffer all week for what. I am not in school anymore where I know that Christmas holiday or summer is coming or even the end of a year. This is a long stretch until retirement for me to suffer and just look forward to the weekend.

Even though I feel like I am a bird that has been caged and institutionalized for so long and now I have no cage and I am looking for a cage because that is all that I know. It's scary to wonder around and try to find my own feet but each cage I end up in it doesn't feel comfortable. I have tried many jobs in my life, retail, nursery nurse, nursing, recruitment, customer services, receptionist and the sad truth is I never liked any one of them and I have always felt as though I am not myself when I am at work.

But after university I had deluded myself into thinking that having a job would provide some sort of happiness that I cannot get from anywhere else.  But it just brings me sadness.

So I have decided that I am going to do what makes me happy and even if I am not rich and I am scrapping my wallet for pennies that is what I am going to be doing.

I want to do web designing and create another blog that I have had in mind and I want to just start and finish something and not think about cost factors of it but the process and growth. I don't want to be a corporate accountant. I know in my gut that I will hate it. I was just in denial and it isn't for me. I cant or I don't want to cram down more exams and work with people I don't like. Life is too short. I would rather meet people whilst doing fun stuff who I will have a lot in common with.

At this point in time at 22:42  - 29/09/2016 I don't know what my future holds and I hope that when I read back to this point in a couple years I will be happy with the decision I have just made to be self-employed and be passionate about my dreams.

The reality of being a legal secretary and lawyers

In life you never stop learning new things.

So I have been a legal secretary for two weeks now and after the day I have had today I decided that no matter how tired that I am I will make a post about my experiences so far.

One thing I can say about Lawyers, solicitors or attorneys depending on which country you are located at.

Before I start I would like to say that I have only worked in one law firm and people are different and maybe your experience might be different to mine but of course I have looked into it and the overall view online is very much similar to mine.

Firstly, some lawyers have a lack of social skills. I have worked in two other offices and the difference in management is astonishing. The first company I worked at was a recruitment company and even though I wasn't being paid as much as I am now I felt valued and even though I knew the managers were managers there was that kindness where if I had an issue I could feel comfortable to talk to them and I felt valued. Even if it was with little things however, at this law firm I feel like I am a maid and I am beneath them. And there is nothing wrong with being a maid but that was not part of my job description.

The worst thing is the way they speak to you as if they can say or do anything to you. I am a human being as well. Just because you sat some exams and you know the law doesn't make you better than anyone else.

Okay, today there was this solicitor and he was trying to show me something that I have never done before and in short he could not explain it so I did not understand how to do it. And as I was advised before if you do not understand something, it is better to ask and look stupid than sit there and say yes I get it and then you do it wrong.

But when you are dealing with an inpatient rude solicitor who thinks you are able to figure out how an outdated software works that you have never used before in that second is beyond me. And if you do ask a question you are ignored or told to your face you are an idiot for asking questions.

I was shocked beyond belief. In all my life I have never ever been made to feel as though I was less than a human being and all this for a paycheck at the end of month. Money is not worth this abuse.
But I still have some fight in me and I will carry on going whilst I plan my escape.

P.s Tv shows lied to me, wtf they never showed this side of the legal firms.

Movie Review: Me before you

I haven't done one of this in a while but I have just finished watching the film and I was almost in tears I had to.

I read the book and I found that I really enjoyed it and it was a pleasure to read. It was packed with humor and emotions. I even recommended it to someone. I remember really enjoying the book. I am surprised that I didn't do a review of it on here.

The film was really good, even from the beginning it was really nice and them meeting was funny and I could relate somewhat because I have started a new job and she stuck it out. And in the end it changed her life.

I felt emotional watching some scenes as well. But their banter as some would say made me smile and laugh. He gave her life and told her about her potential and I liked that.

I don't know what else to say. I recommend it.

One thing that is stuck in my mind is the fact that she stayed in a job for 6 years and didn't move but in the end she was let go. I don't want to stay in a low skilled job for a long period of time to find that I am older but far behind on anything. Time is too precious.

So I got a job as a legal secretary

I can't believe it. In all of my wildest dreams and hope and careers and plans I never ever thought I would be saying that I got into a law firm. It might be small but they actually accepted me for the job. I will be getting paid and compared to a lot of other people and what I would have taken it's not bad at all. But I still can't believe it.

I start tomorrow and right now I am scared and nervous. I really want to do a good job and show them that I am a competent person. I am scared. It's like on the CV's you over sell yourself and when you actually get the job you have to show and prove. I just have to be confident. Fake it until I make it. One thing I usually fail at is if I am tired or unhappy it shows on my face. So I need have a poker face and smile. I need to interact with them and get to know them.

The thing is accounting I know a lot and I know the jargon in accounting but law. I know practically nothing but basic knowledge that everyone knows. So if I want to do a good job I will need learn at least the basics.

If I can survive the first month I know that I will get used to it and I will know my way around everything. Also, I will be able to carry on. I still can't believe it. This is definitely God's work. Something already written.