Aiming HIGH

I have just finished my first term of university and I am back home and I went to town today and my mind set is on another level because I want to do so much more. I want a have a successful career and climb up that ladder and challenge myself everyday. Plus, the money, nice cars, fancy house, city life. I want all of that and I know it will take determination and hard work but I am willing to put that time in and work on getting the grades and the work experience that I will need.

Like is it bad that when I was in Tesco the store clerk or something had a badge and it said she joined the team in 2002 and it's the end of 2013 and she's been there as a customer assistant checkout girl for more than a decade and she hasn't really moved up and to me I feel like I am better than that and I want soo much more than that. She probably has a family at home and that makes her happy but in my mindset now, I couldn't be satisfied.

Something else that is changing is my thoughts on children and before I used to say I wanted 6 children, crazy I know but I was quite young. Then it went down to 4 children and now I would be happy with 1 child. Like I don't want to be 40 years old and no children, no but I don't see myself giving up a career and depending on a husband and raising children. I just want to progress so much that too many children wouldn't be in the plan. Maybe 2 children with a big gap like my parents did.

My first term was amazing and I met some amazing people and I have experienced things that will remember for the rest of my life. I am just greatfull that I got the opportunity to do something I actually like and I see a hard and competitive future but I am going to fight tooth and nail until I get it.

100%  all the way and not anything else.

Bad Girls Club - Season 11X11 - TV review

Bad girls club, I just thought I vent about this show. I have watched maybe 5 or 6 seasons and also the allstar one.

Honestly, this has to be the worst season I have ever seen because I don't believe there is one bad girl in there. Every replacement I am always like, is she a bad girl, no, is she a bad girl, No. Which sucks, I feel like the main girls are very boring and insecure in many ways and most of the fights are for no reason what so ever and it's more of a bullying type of situation than anything else.

I hate bully's with a passion and it makes me sad when they pick on one girl and all the other girls don't do anything because their afraid they will be picked on next. So no one does anything until the girl leaves and is replaced. In other seasons there is always that one girl who doesn't follow the pack and sticks up for the lonely girl and here there wasn't that.

Like with Janelle they hated her from the get go and I think it's because she looked better than Tiana and Jasmine and they were jeolous of her. And Janelle never really did anything to them she just reacted and when she something back they would jump on it and it was just pathetic. They looked so sad. Not bad girls at all.

When Janelle left they were straight onto Nae and I would feel sorry for her but she was sitting back no she joined in when they picked on Janelle for no reason and as soon as she left they were straight onto her and everyone could see it. The difference is there really was no reason to hate her. Their just born bullies. Which is sad and pathetic.

Hopefully, they screen these girls better next time cos this is a mess. Wow, there have been soooo many replacements it's crazy.

Freshers Week finished

I cannot believe it's already been a week since I have been here and it is like nothing that I thought would happen even though this is my second time going to university.

I still remember last week Saturday when I woke up and I was getting ready and I was so nervous and I couldn't even breathe it was quite scary for me for some reason. I came with my dad and I saw my room and I was here. I am not really in love with the place and the people I guess. I am just taking it a day at a time and I am sharing with 12 people and I don't really like half the people but a year will go by quick I guess.

The reps were really good there was a lot of activities going on and for me my mind is still processing that I am still here. I am at university and this is just the beginning of my career, family and good times. I just need to enjoy now but think about the future because I am only here for 3 years. I want to graduate with a first hopefully.

Also went to a couple of taster for sports and what I realised is that  it take a lot of practice and time to be good at a sport and I do nothing so I am at nothing, even playing an instrument, singing, some activity that takes practice and talent. I don't have that and I said to myself that I was going to do something about it and I don't know how but it is most likely going to be dance unless I am really really bad at it but I am going to try and see, hopefully, I will enjoy it and will see what will happen.

2 Years on...drop out of uni, unemployed, first job....ect.

I am feeling proud, grateful and in a way I just want to share my experiences in the last 2 years since I dropped out of university and what I have gone through and what I thought would happen and what really happened and just reminiscing really on my life experiences.

In a previous post I talked about dropping out of university because I honestly, didn't enjoy the course and nursing is such a specific course that if you don't enjoy the basics of the course and when you look at it as a career you feel like crying. Honestly, I still to this day don't regret dropping out. I had to start a new path in my life.

Anyways, I dropped out after 6 months at uni and I meet some amazing people and had a good uni experience and in my mind at times I thought let me carry on and do maths because I was very good at maths in high school and at the back of my mind I regretted not trying as hard in college. So, I applied to a college to do a maths course and I went to the interview and passed and then I had to do a test and failed miserable. I still remember the teacher telling me I couldn't go on the course....I felt lost, I had no idea where or what I was going to do with my life and I had never felt like that before....I was numb.

At that time around May, I was claiming and my advisor sorted out work experience for me and I remember the person asking what sort of job I was looking for and I said Administration. I only said that because at the maths test I was the only one prepared, I had calculators, pen, pencil, rubber the works and the other guys didn't even have a pen. So I thought I was organised and that was something....I was watching Mad men and I think that also contributed....

I then went to the interview and the person liked me and I got the place and it was for 2 months free placement and I loved it. There were some bad times but overall it was the best thing ever and the days just flew by and I didn't hate waking up in the morning and going to work. I just really enjoyed myself and wanted to get the job done. After the two months they offered me a job. Just above minimum wage but it was an office job I got my first pay and I was doing something with my life.

The problem was though that I didn't feel like there was purpose, I wanted to do something more and around November/December I started thinking about going back to university and investing in my future. What I noticed is that if you have a degree you move up quicker in the business than if you don't. Also I wanted to do something that I would enjoy and maybe Maths isn't for me but numbers are...since I was young I always found that easier than english, art and other stuff....It just clicked.

So I applied to ucas for business management and accounting....With my alevel grades I wasn't sure I would get in any uni because of my courses...they were more nursing related except the accounting alevel. But thank GOODNESS, I got into a good university, not Cambridge or anything like that but it's a very good university with a high rate of graduate employability and I went there and it looks amazing for business students.

Unfortunately, the job ended in December, the job was seasonal...sort of speak. So after that I rested and just did nothing and then I started job hunting again on my own at first and to no avail. Not even an interview. In February I went back to claiming and I was sent to a job fair and a meeting kind of thing and these two people came in from a bank. They were both managers and they just talked about how they ended up there. The woman was a teenage pregnancy girl and she got work experience in the council and then worked in some factory as a manager, that closed down and then she worked in the bank as a communications person and in eight years she worked her way up to a communication manager.

The guy blew me away but because of how he dressed, he looked like he had money, the ironed expensive shirt, the pointy shoes, the belt, the gold cuff links and just the way he was....just shouted I have money and I take my self seriously and that's what I love about working in an office or a corporation....Anyways, his story was that he went to uni and did a Germany and English course....(I think, something along those lines) he worked as a cleaner in a hotel whilst at uni and then when he finished he got a job in the bank and again in 8 years he worked his way up until a branch manager. That was inspirational for me.

After that I carried applying for jobs and I finally, got an interview it was for a small call centre sort of thing. I ended up getting the job. But, I hated it, it was only 5 people and we were cramped in this room and it was telephone based and I just hated it and to me it was just about getting a reference to build me up but in the end I decided it wasn't worth it. And I quit after 1 week and a bit. What I learnt about this was that when you go to an interview look at the surroundings and the people and make a wise judgement as to if you can work there every day. And also small offices are not for me, it's just too personal and I'm just not that person...and I think that was a problem as well. I'm more of a corporation kind-off girl...Even though I didn't stay there that long I learnt something that I think will valuable for me in the future.

After quitting I couldn't go back to claiming so I just waiting...I only had around 3 months so I just did nothing really. I have had 8 months of nothing really of value in my life...Like I don't have anything pressing to wake up to and I tell myself to enjoy it because if everything goes to plan my future is going to be work, work, a lot of fun and more work but it will be something I enjoy and love.

These 2 years have been great for me as a person because I believe I have matured and grown up a bit and the relationship I have with my family has grown sooo much and I am soo grateful for the time I have spent with them. I just love all of them so much more and respect them more and if I could pick a family I would pick them every time. They let me find myself and find what I wanted to do in my life and they were always there for me.

Ok, enough with the lovey dovey stuff...I am excited about the future and if anyone had told me that this would happen when I dropped out of uni I would have laughed...nothing atall like I thought and makes me wonder if uni will be like anything at all like I think it will be.

Easy by Tammara Webber book review

RATE:★★★

Pages:310

Author: Tammara Webber

Published: November 2012

 

This book was really hyped up and I was excited when I finally got it. It's a book that is easy to read and in the first pages you actually get wrapped up in it and it just flowed at the beginning. I still think everyone who likes a bit of romance should try it out.

Jackie- the main girl at the beginning I really liked her but a little thing that annoyed me that the author made her repeat what had happened before numerous times, and I'm like I have just read this why is she summarising the same stuff every 2 chapters.

Lucas- I thought he was too quiet and didn't really say much at all, like at the end of the book it was all about him but at the beginning I just didn't fall for him. At the beginning he was just the three liner creepy guy who stared at her all the time. OR a reserved mysterious guy with a lip piecing. I just wasn't really sold on him.

Let's just talk about the big one, in this book and it's not really a spoiler but there was kind of-off a rape situation going on and to me as a woman I think it's great to raise awareness on rape as it is a serious issue that many women face every day but I felt like the author was too much and it felt more dragged on and I didn't feel emotional or sad. Just annoyed that it was dragged on from the beginning to the end with irrelevant shit. Like the last time it happened, if you have read this you will know. I read the page and I was like what "Deja vu," is this author seriously doing this again. I rolled my eyes, laughed and carried on the hot mess of an ending this book was.

One thing I didn't like was how unoriginal this book was like really what did she come up with on her own....Nothing was original in this book at all. First, let's talk about Kennedy who was the ex and he broke up with her and wanted to sleep around and then he.....( I will let you fill that predictable blank) Also, the guy is always really really hot and all the girls love him. Like really.

Their relationship was slow I think, he didn't really force himself on her like other bf's in books. Which I liked and the ending for me was really bad. I starting skimming through the last 100 pages, I think. Just to finish it. Lucas’s whole dark secret was really, dull. I didn’t feel anything for that story…

I know they are very predictable books but if the characters and the scenes are good that the book will be amazing but this book for me lacked originality and the characters were "Meh." It was very bland for my taste.

But I would still recommend it because if you haven't read romance books like beautiful creature, Vincent boys and more like that you might actually enjoy this book like many did. But for me was a great attempt but many have done it before and better.

I want to lose 20 pounds - Before the beginning

I have decided that I want to lose 20 pounds the healthy way. I know I have just done a post about loving being plus size and all that but wait a minute.....I don't want to be size 8 (uk) or even size ten or whatever...I love the way I look honestly, I just want to tighten  it up. These thighs, it's not on. But seriously, it will always be something on my mind and I want to finally beat this once and for all.

Previous failed diets: I feel it's important to talk about my previous diets because that can help me now. I have done calorie counting, manually, weighing everything and still weighing but putting everything on an app. I don't go to the gym and it's too much effort to go running...sorry just being honest. I usually workout using dvd's and I have lost weight in the past.

Why I have failed? The most successful diet I was on I lost 11 pounds and the main reasons why I stopped was started a fruit diet and a sprained my ankle doing a Julian dvd. Other times I feel like I lacked determination. I can start a diet easily but it's just going through the tides, the good, bad and hard. Just persevering and carrying on is just hard for some reason.

Why 20 pounds? Before I have always said I wanted to have a healthy BMI, to be 140Ib and at my previous weight that meant losing 40 pounds to reach that goal. This time I just want to lose 20Ib and that's it. I feel like maybe they will be less pressure from me. Also I will be away from the 200 mark, I am very close to hitting it and I don't want that.

What are you going to do similar to your previous diets? I am going to do a diet plan which is very basic where you have:

5+ Fruits and vegetables
2/3 Protein rich foods (meat, eggs, ham, peanut butter...)
2 Dairy rich foods (yogurts, milk, cheese...)
2/3 Carb rich foods (potatoes, bread, rice, noodles...)
0 amount of junk food.
 1/ 1 1/2 litres of water

That's it, it doesn't restrict me on a lot and at the end of the day I will just write down what I eat and now and again I will try to post updates on here.

What are your exercise plans? Same as last time I will do workout dvd's. I will do Davina superbody and pussycat dolls dvd's 1 and 2. ( I might do reviews on those because, I love them so much. ) I am going to work out three times a week.

Which will be Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

If I go shopping, walking for hours, especially when I go to London all day. I count that as a workout.

How often are you going to weigh yourself? Once a week and I am going to weigh myself every Tuesday, just to spice things up. I weigh myself in the morning before I eat.

What do you expect to lose each week and when do you think you will reach your goal? Honestly, I have no idea when I will reach the goal. And they say that you should lose 1Ib or 2Ib a week. To me if I lose 0.2Ib in a week and the next week I lose 0.4 more on top of what I had previously lost then I will be happy. I am not racing anyone, am I?

What are my expectations when I reach my goal? If I actually do this and reach my goal to lose 20Ib. That would be an amazing accomplishment for me and I know that my body will be a lot more toned than it is now and secretly I would love to be back to being a solid size 16 and to be as far away from the 200 mark. This is me being honest, some people say it's about being healthy and fit but I do care about that but the first points are what I really feel.

When is the start date? Monday 8th July 2013 ......Starting isn't hard it's sticking with it and I hope I stick with it and reach that 20Ib goal. Wish me luck.....

Plus Sized and Curvy is Beautiful TOO- Part 3 - Acceptance

It has been three years since I have done this. This post is basically going to be about acceptance because many of us cannot be happy with our bodies, skinny girls might complain about having small boobs (unless they get surgery) but it could be you might think your arms, legs, stomach face is too big or too small. No one is perfect and in a way I have come to accept that. I will never look like Rihanna or Beyonce and strangely enough I am fine with that.

Body image- All over from the television, magazines, music, celebrities and even our families and friends it is seen as skinny (size 8-12) is the only size that is beautiful and why most of us want to be size 8 is because we believe that losing all that weight will result in a life changing experience. The branding and marketing is amazing. I have fallen for it so many times and...

When you fall for it you imagine yourself in that person's body and you don't even notice your own.

Anyways, it took me a long time to realise that I am actually quite sexy...ohmygoshh...But I think that I am beautiful and have some good features. I love my stomach, I don't have washboard abs but it's actually quite curvy and flat....I do have a bit of love handles but I still love my stomach.

I used to hate showing my legs because I always thought that I had massive calves....but now I wear skirts and dresses and all that good stuff and I think it was probably what I wore because now I am shopping and wearing fashionable clothes and tight stuff that works for my figure (not me after I drop a dress size.) I actually went shopping today and I am mostly a size 18 (uk), nooo. I have been a size 16 for like 5 years.

But no matter what size when I go out I will look amazing, no one knows my size except me and maybe the clerk but will they remember my face,noo. If you look good, feel good. That's all that matters. Pow.

In all I am just taking care of myself, my hair's done, nails done, clothes and shoes on point. It's the little things that make a difference and before I never used to make an effort and I would think that it would magically transform me into a princess...but in reality we have to make the changes ourselves and have fun whilst doing it.

I don't even know what this post is about but just learn to love yourself and if you don't like what you see, accept it and the change will come.